Facebook Stops Global Warming; Helps Capture Bin Laden

Did you hear the big news of the day? Kevin Beckner just won the primary for County Commission in Hillsborough County in Florida. But wait, there's more: Beckner is crediting Facebook for the primary win.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

"The campaign, including content, video production, management and media buying, was valued at about $7,000," Rearden Killion (Beckner's ad agency) said, although the company also said it charged a bit less to prove the effort could work.

As if proof were necessary. Hello. I read last week that two lepers and one prostitute were cured by Facebook.

In a virtual landslide that could only be attributed to social networking, Becker won 45.6 percent of the vote. And you know why? Facebook!

And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

But this wasn't just any ordinary Facebook account, this was like Superfacebook. Beckner had an application that actually allowed you to put a "Vote for Beckner" button on your own page... plus you could link to Beckner's page!

And did it work? And how. I just checked his Facebook page now and Beckner has almost 100 supporters (well, actually, only 89, but that's sort of close to 100). Dude, he has supporters from Oklahoma, Ontario, Oregon, Illinois, Texas, Washington DC and Australia. And sure, they can't vote for him, so only about 80 of those supporters are potentially voters.

Still, Facebook has the power to clear up acne and relieve the burning itch of athletes foot. Kevin Beckner is living proof.

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World

God Bless Kevin Beckner. God Bless Facebook. God Bless America.