Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Marketing Manny

In the grand tradition of Alfred E. Newman, Manny is forever wearing that "what, me worry?" look on his face. And who can blame him?

This guy is arguably the biggest knucklehead to walk down the pike since Homer Simpson first appeared on the Tracey Ullman Show nearly 30 years ago. And based on their bank accounts, it is fair to conclude one simple fact:

Americans love knuckleheads.

Manny, who started his baseball career in my hometown has proven to the world that loyalty is nowhere to be found on his list of character traits, while cash is a prime motivator. He's played on four different teams while knocking more than 400 baseballs out of the park. He doesn't really care who he plays for or how long he plays there, he just wants to get paid. His field play is among the worst in the history of the game, as is his ability to simply make it onto the field. I mean this is a guy who disappears in the middle of an inning to take a leak... a guy who gets busted for taking female hormone drugs. He is a class A knucklehead who can rake all day long... and little more.

And the fans can't get enough of him.

Meanwhile, down in Tampa, where the Rays are battling it out with the Yankees for first place, fans won't even show up to watch their team. Cincinnati has the same problem in southern Ohio... and so does Texas and San Diego (Cleveland attendance is dead last, but for good reason), which gives me an idea: rather than allow the Black Sox to pick up Manny's contract, why not make him the league's designated hitter? Manny can show up in all the ballparks where equally pathetic fans will show up just to watch him do whatever it is that Manny does. He can be the league mascot on the field.

It's a thought.

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