10. Although I once lived in Chicago, I do not know the location of Chez Quis restaurant and could use my new iPhone for reservations and directions.
9. I could use my iPhone to get the scores to Da Bears, Da Bulls and Da Cubs games... Abe Froman already has luxury boxes at all three venues.
8. I could call my ex-mother-in-law (who still loves me) to get sausage recipes. Abe Froman does not need sausage recipes.
7. I could send an email to ask Ben Stein for some of his money. Abe Froman does not need Ben Stein's money.
6. I could listen to Yello, The Dream Academy and The Flowerpot Men on my iTunes. Abe Froman only likes Wayne Newton, Danke Shoen very much.
5. I could use my iPhone calendar function to alert me of the Von Steuben Day parade. Abe Froman loves a parade, but he already has his own float.
4. I could post a blog about my new red Ferrari with a link to my Flickr account so everyone could admire my photos. Abe Froman doesn't drive and hates to have his photo taken.
3. I could download instructions to the zombie dance from "Thriller" AND the lyrics to "Twist and Shout." Abe Froman is a zombie.
2. I could watch Ferris Buelller's Day Off in wide screen format. Abe Froman has no idea who Ferris Bueller is.
1. I could use the iPhone 3G to help me in my struggle to take it easy. Abe Froman already has it easy.