Big Girls in Hot Underwear? Ma ma se, Ma ma sa, Ma ma Cacique

I said you wanna be startin' somethin' You got to be startin' somethin'

The problem with pointing your finger at someone is there are always three fingers pointing back at you. In this case, the three fingers are pointing back at Lane Bryant, the supposed innocent victim in the case of the rejected plus-size bra and panties commercial.

Don't get me wrong, Disney-owned ABC (Dancing With the Stars) and FOX (American Idol) are totally hypocritical in their unwillingness or lack of desire to air these savory TV spots.

In their own defense, a Lane Bryant source says,"They [FOX] wouldn't run the ad, but have you seen the Victoria's Secret spots? If you saw the Victoria's Secret spot and our spot, you'd see nothing different."

A spokesman from Fox said,"We didn't treat them any differently than Victoria's Secret." Disney owned ABC declined to make a comment. Oh Mickey You're so fine, You're so fine You blow my mind Hey Mickey! Hey! Hey! Hey Mickey! Hey! Hey!

Much ado about nothing?

Not when you consider that Lane Bryant has conveniently avoided the obvious choice to hire the hottest, sexiest plus size models they could find to display their new line of sexy lingerie. Being a resident of the planet's fattest nation, I know what most plus-size people look like, and 99% of them do not look like these models... so much for Lane Bryant's honesty, integrity and transparency with their target customer.

How does the old saying go? There are lies, there are damned lies and there are TV ads.

You love to pretend that you're good, when you're always up to no good...

Marketers Counting on Consumer Vapidness

According to an article in Forbes this week, some pretty major marketers believe consumers need to turn the corner on the recession and start spending their money again.

"New ad campaigns suggest marketers are eager to shake off the gloom of tough economic times--and they hope consumers will do the same. While some economists aren't sure the tough times are history, advertisers don't seem to care. Companies are rolling out carefree ads that use humor, colorful images and upbeat language to get consumers to lighten up--and open up their wallets." So says the article.

Makes sense to me. Oh, wait, no it doesn't.

One commercial from BMW of North America tells anyone who will listen: "What you make people feel is as important as what you make." Huh?

"There is a market turn toward the positive," says Deutsch N.Y. Chief Creative Officer Greg DiNoto. "That's a smart marketing strategy for any brand when you're emerging from a recession. Brands need to be associated with winning." Okay, that actually does make sense... if we have actually emerged from the recession, which most Americans have not.

On the flipside, Hamish McLennan, global chairman and CEO of Young & Rubicam, warns that many consumers and advertisers aren't quite ready to spend money again. "Most people are cautiously optimistic that it's going to get better, but we're not seeing precrash levels--and we won't for a long time," he says.

So, what's a marketer to do?

P.T. Barnum, the American showman and businessman, was credited (whether true or not) as saying that you will never go broke underestimating the stupidity of the American public. This camp believes there's a sucker born every minute just waiting to doll out its hard-earned cash. Benjamin Franklin, on the other hand is credited for encouraging consumers to be frugal: "A penny saved is a penny earned." Apparently not much has changed over the past few centuries.

One thing is clear: communicating with and/or marketing to consumers – whether the recession is over or not – is a good idea for any brand that wants to be or remain a leader in the marketplace. It's just a question of "what" and "how" you communicate.

Too Many Marketing Chefs in the Kitchen

How many agencies does it take to achieve an organization's marketing objectives? Is one enough? Is five too many?

There are ad agencies and creative agencies and public relations agencies and and digital agencies and social media agencies and SEO agencies and direct marketing agencies and on and on and on.

So what's a CMO to do?

In the case of SoBe, they decided to try something different. As an alternative to working with a single or primary agency that was doing a good job achieving awareness, but not getting the kind of engagement the company wanted (we assume this objective was identified), they decided to look for agencies (plural) who offered a different perspective.

Angelique Krembs, director-marketing for SoBe says "Going forward we needed to get to engagement. That's why we evolved our approach."

According to the story in AdAge: After a request for proposals went out late last summer, Firstborn picked up digital agency-of-record duties, while Weber Shandwick became PR agency of record. TracyLocke, a longtime partner of the brand, continues to handle promotion.

By all accounts, the hybrid approach is working fine so far. SoBe's agencies say the new model allows for a more-collaborative team effort and will give the brand a competitive advantage.

I guess... but I am admittedly hopeful and skeptical. My concern here is twofold. First, the idea of hiring multiple agencies to complement each other in a quest to achieve better results is not new. Second, it usually results in an epic explosion fueled by greed and egos.

In theory, this concept of "true collaboration" is an extraordinarily good idea. In practice, I have never seen it work. Best of luck to SoBe and its team of agencies; I look forward to seeing what the model looks like a year from now.

Seriously Dysfunctional Marketing

Hi, I am Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer who ever lived. I really screwed the pooch - literally and figuratively. I embarrassed my wife and my family and my fans and the PGA. I am sorry, please forgive me. Let's play golf... and just leave me alone.

Hi, I am Billy Payne, chairman of the Masters. I am ashamed of Tiger Woods. You disappointed me and everyone else. You are not a hero. The future will never be the same. Let's play golf... and make sure Tiger is teeing off late in the day so we can get some great coverage.

Hi, I am Earl Woods, Tiger's dad. I am dead; yet somehow I am on a new Nike TV commercial. Tiger, I am curious... did you learn anything? Let's play golf... or you're history.

Hi, I am Nike, a global marketer of athletic footwear, apparel and equipment that is unrivaled in the world. I make crazy commercials that make people think. I like Tiger Woods, so I just made a crazy commercial about him. Let's play golf... and buy more of my shoes and stuff.

For some reason, in the middle of all this marketing mayhem, I am more sad than anything else. Sad about what could have been and sad about what is.

And now, in the words of one of the greatest fictional athletes of all time, Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Marketing the Top Dog in an Anti-Dog World

Good News for Sara Lee: Ball Park brand has finally pushed its top competitor, Oscar Meyer, out of the number one beef frankfurter spot.

Bad News for Sara Lee: Institutions worldwide are taking a harder line against "junk foods", including America's favorite, the hot dog. Apparently timing is everything.

With public sentiment shifting, the iconic wiener is in danger of no longer being as American as baseball; but then again, neither is baseball (and the vote is still out on apple pie). It would seem schools don't want kids eating unhealthy foods, nor does the federal government for that matter, which means parents will eventually limit if not eliminate the poor frankfurter from their regular diets. And hot dogs, for better or worse, could someday become the new face of antiestablishmentarianism.

As the new king of the hill, Ball Park plans to capitalize on its success by upgrading its traditional campaign strategies.

According to BrandChannel, Ball Park’s marketing efforts are focusing on a new demographic: moms and their sons. The brand conducted consumer research and discovered that its sales primarily come from teenage boys and their mothers, and not adult males as had been assumed [Editorial aside: why didn't they already know this?]. This realization helped CMO Philippe Shaillee to redirect promotional efforts. Shaillee explained that the target mom was “really looking for a hearty solution for her teenage son and husband,” and not “just a lower quality snack or that would get them into this mindless eating behavior, but something that was solid, yet still fast and convenient.”

They also plan to do some sports-based advertising and some social media stuff. Oddly there is no mention of nutrition or healthy foods. So I went to the Ball Park website, where I found a whole line of "Better For You" product offerings – low-to-no fat and far fewer calories, but with all the great taste. Now that's a hot dog marketing angle you can wrap your arms around.

Regardless, there is no apparent need to panic. Ballparks in the United States expect to sell nearly 22 million hot dogs this year, according to the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council. And that's just a tiny portion of the 730 million packages of hot dogs sold at retail stores last year.

Anyway, a healthy hot dog is better than no hot dog.

Let Them Eat Cake

As the new healthcare reform bill gets sorted out and we learn more of the details, the one thing that seems to be jumping out sideways is the mandate to get healthy... or else.

On the business side of things, for example, there is a provision that will require restaurant chains with 20 or more locations to post calorie counts on menus, menu boards, drive-thru menus and vending machines (seriously). Apparently the goal is to educate (shame) consumers into eating smaller portions and/or healthier selections.

On the consumer side of things, beginning in 2014, everyone will be required to purchase health insurance or face a $695 annual fine. There are some exceptions for low-income people. I would compare this with the requirement most states have to carry auto insurance... and you can see how that has made all of us better drivers. And of course, there is the 10 percent excise tax on indoor tanning services.

Meanwhile, recent IRI (Information Resources Inc.) data revealed at SNAXPO 2010 (yes, a trade show dedicated to snacks!), confirms that consumers want what they want: 47% of shoppers say they want to eat what tastes good rather than what’s healthy, and two-thirds of snack purchases still are in indulgent snacks.

According to a Cincinnati Enquirer story, "In a study published last year by the online journal Health Affairs, only half of customers in poor New York City neighborhoods with high rates of obesity and diabetes noticed the calorie counts."

I have two thoughts:

1. As a marketer, this should make for some amazingly fun strategizing over the next decade.
2. As an American, I am becoming "numb to the dumb".

Drowning in a Sea of Pathetic LOST Podcasts

Did I mention I was a LOST fan?

But do you know what I am not a fan of? Self-serving, long-winded, uncreative, poorly produced LOST podcasts.

OMG. If you want to know the problem with easy-to-access social media and easy-to-use technology, start with LOST podcasts.

For the record, there are some very good LOST podcasts out there that I listen to religiously, like "God Loved Jacob". And then there are the hundreds that absolutely suck the life out of you.

Imagine a room of 6-8 drunks sitting around a living room coffee table loudly talking over each other, swearing like sailors, giggling like schoolgirls and spewing one ridiculous thought after the next. Or imagine a dull, annoying, mindless nincompoop droning on and on in a monotone voice without ever saying an interesting or enlightening thing. Now multiply that by 200 and label it the LOST Podcast of the Week.

Don't believe me?

Try to spend more than five minutes listening to any one of these without reaching for the sharpest pencil you can find to jam into your ears:

What Katy Said

The Cranky Fanatic

Jacob's Cabin

LOSTlogue

Keys to Lost

While the nice thing about the Internet and social media and easy-to-use technology is that virtually anyone can get involved. Virtually anyone can produce a video or a podcast or an MP3 file and post it online for the world to see or hear or both.

But the truly unfortunate thing about the Internet and social media and easy-to-use technology is that virtually anyone can get involved.

I believe there is an old saying to cover such situations: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.