Foursquare And Seven Months Ago...

About seven months ago I installed the Foursquare app onto my iPhone and almost immediately found joy in keeping up, sharing and competing with my friends and colleagues on this relatively simple location-based service.

I quickly earned 6 badges, including the ever popular Crunked badge (thank you Charlotte, NC). I was elected mayor and booted from office many times.

Foursquare was useful and fun.

Then the marketers showed up; to which I respond: Can't you leave anything alone? As a lifelong professional marketer, I get it. As a consumer, I don't want it. You can't do a simple web search anymore without being bombarded by a dozen advertisers who not only think they know what you want, but who openly lie about what they are selling. Virtually every free phone app is now funded by mobile ads that interrupt your activities. E-mail boxes are flooded with unwanted correspondence and inappropriate offers. In short, the virtual world has become a reflection of the real world.

And Foursquare, which connects the two together, is quickly succumbing to the marketing sirens. Too bad. I deleted my Foursquare app and am moving on to newer, greener pastures. My goal is to stay one step ahead of the marketers (even though I am one of them).

Honest Abe once said: "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." Maybe he was right, but I can't take one more today of advertising saturation... sometimes it's nice to simply be left alone with your thoughts.

Why is There Even a Question about Whether Social Media is a PR Function

In the words of Mr. T, "Quit the jibber jabber."

For more than 30 years I have listened to one stupid argument after another about who can and should do what in this industry we call marketing.

Only ad agencies should create ads, only PR firms should do publicity, only direct marketing firms should manage direct mail, blah, blah, blah.

Maybe someone should tell Tony Hsieh that Zappos should only sell shoes. Maybe Someone should tell Steve Jobs that Apple should only make computers. Maybe someone should tell McDonalds to stick with burgers and fries and forget the coffee business.

Here is my advice to organizations looking to hire an agency to develop and implement their social marketing strategies - whether you are talking to an ad agency or a digital marketing firm or an SEO firm or a PR firm: Do a little homework, ask a lot of questions and find out what the agency team knows.

I have a 33,000-gallon inground pool at my home, and you could fit into a thimble everything I know about pools. So I look to experts for advice. I talk to pool stores who have service teams, I talk to pool construction companies that have service teams, I talk to dedicated pool service companies, I talk to independent pool guys, and I talk to neighbors who have pools and manage them on their own.

I ask them about opening the pool and about closing the pool, I ask them about shocking the pool, I ask them about treating and maintaining the water, I ask them about the pool pump and filtration system... in the words of Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters, "I got a few thousand questions of my own."

I would never hire a pool service just because they say they service pools. And I would never not hire a pool service just because they also do other things. I hire the pool service guys who seem to have good experience, good ideas, and a good sense of what I want to accomplish. I also consider chemistry (not water chemistry, people chemistry) and references.

So instead of engaging in conversations about who should "do" or "own" social media marketing, engage in conversations with agencies about what they know and what experience they have and what their thoughts are and how their approach might be unique.

Find a fit and test it.

And if it doesn't work out, start over again.

And quit the jibber jabber.

P.S. If an agency team tries to dazzle you with acronyms, idioms and jargon, run (don't walk) to the next agency on your list. If they can not explain it clearly, they either don't get it or they are more interested in listening to themselves talk than they will ever be in meeting your goals.

Look at Me! Look at Me!! Look at Me!!!

Once upon a time, people became famous as a result of something they did. Sometimes it was something great. Sometimes it was something diabolic. But it was because of something.

Today, being famous is an act in itself.

And with all due deference to Andy Warhol, he was not even close with his 15 minutes of fame prediction. Today, everyone wants and has the ability to have a lifetime of fame (albeit dubious).

It appears we have become a Jackass society overrun with media whores who will do anything and everything as a means to become and remain famous.

Back in the 1970s, novelist Tom Wolfe coined the term me decade in New York magazine to describe the new American preoccupation with self-awareness and the collective retreat from history, community, and human reciprocity. In kind, I would like to coin the 2010s as the look at me decade to describe the new American preoccupation with narcissism and the quest to be seen, viewed, heard, recognized and acknowledged for being alive.

Never before in the history of our planet have so many done so little and expected so much in return. Look at me. Follow me. Friend me. Tweet me. Text me. Blog about me. Watch me. Listen to me. Validate my existence.

We can blame it on the media – both traditional and social. We can blame it on a universal religion that deifies fame. We can blame it on an internal and natural drive to be gods. We can blame it on a globally networked yet totally disconnected society of human beings who simply want to be noticed.

I have no idea what the true cause is, but for anyone who cares, here is what the smartest man to ever walk this fine Earth (Albert Einstein) had to say about fame:

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.”

Marketing to Consumers Who Lack Confidence

Who knows what to believe right now?

According to the Conference Board Consumer Confidence Index, “Consumer confidence, which had posted three consecutive monthly gains and appeared to be gaining some traction, retreated sharply in June.”

Lynn Franco, director of The Conference Board Consumer Research Center states, “Increasing uncertainty and apprehension about the future state of the economy and labor market, no doubt a result of the recent slowdown in job growth, are the primary reasons for the sharp reversal in confidence.

Translation: A lot of people are out of work and even those who are working don't expect to see a pay raise this year (despite steady increases in the cost of living) and they are short on cash.

This is a problem. As a marketer, you either have to focus on the small percentage of confident consumers who have good jobs and lots of money OR address the masses with solutions to their money woes.

I was riding my bike past a Houlihan's last night (where you go for premium quality and style; fare that's at times familiar and other times adventurous and a laid-back modern setting) and noticed the following verbiage on the marquee: Mealio Dealio every night. I am pretty sure this is their way of telling the public you can stretch your dollar by purchasing a happy meal at Houlihan's.

And why not?

On the other hand, just a few months after enticing consumers to sleep in line outside for the privilege to buy the first iPad, Apple managed to get an even larger sleepover crowd to wait for its new iPhone. The price tag tag for both products? Apparently not too much.

What's up with that?

My point is I actually have no idea what's going on out there and I have no idea who to listen to and I have no idea what to believe. It's good, it's bad, it's getting better, it's getting worse, buy gold, build a 2012 shelter...

Maybe Bobby McFerrin was right:

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy

Truth vs. Honesty vs. Transparency

Back in the last century of the last millennium, there were these Iran-Contra hearings to determine if it was true that Lieutenant-Colonel Oliver North actually participated in the sale of arms to Iran.

It was a big political scandal that prompted lots of politicians and news hounds to point accusatory fingers at a lot of people. But Ollie North was the main subject of their finger wagging.

Of course, Ollie wanted nothing to do with the whole hearing and did his very best to avoid answering every question. And somewhere in the middle of this C-Span moment – exhausted from chasing the artful dodger around the room – some senator or congressman looked down at North and reminded him that the great thing about telling the truth was that you never have to remember what you said before... because the truth never changes.

Anyway, I read this blog post in Ad Age today about branding. In it, Jonathan Salem Baskin (global brand strategist and author) suggests the following: "CMOs shouldn't spin or parse the truth."

Really? Do you need a global brand strategist tell you that? Are you that simple? But wait, there's more.

Baskin goes on to say, "Perhaps CMOs would get a better seat at the executive table if they stood up for doing the right thing when nobody was looking."

Wow! I am speechless. The implications of this statement are pounding in my ear like the sound of 50,000 vuvuzelas. Either Baskin is an idiot or our industry is bankrupt of any intelligence or morality.

Fuzzy Math and Goggle-Eyed Market Research Reveal Paid Search Truths

According to a new survey from the Direct Marketing Association: "Marketers are managing their expectations when it comes to paid search. Nearly half say their primary goal in paying for a paid search campaign is driving traffic to their Web sites, but only three in ten list generating a direct sale from the click as their principal desired outcome."

If your primary goal is driving traffic to a web site, you are either an idiot or a liar. Is Disney World's primary goal to fill their parking lots? Is Las Vegas' primary goal to crowd the strip? Was Lost's primary goal to get people to turn on their TVs?

But wait, maybe I just didn't understand the report, so let's enlist a DMA expert to explain:

“Paid search ads are a great way to drive traffic to your web site; and when a paid search ad is clicked on, it usually leads to a two- or three-step sales process,” DMA research manager Yory Wurmser said in a statement.

Yes, that is much better; clear as frog water.

It would appear, if you read between the lines and over the shoulders, that the DMA is saying paid search ads are not intended to lead to a "direct" sale, but rather an "eventual" sale. As if you would click on an ad and it would take you to a shopping cart ready for check out.

Or there is the possibility that the DMA doesn't know how to conduct and/or interpret market research. Or worse, they are afraid to embrace anything that is not "direct marketing." After all, according to this research, "Response rates for direct mail have held steady over the past four years."

Finally, the report states, "These results are part of the DMA’s 2010 Response Rate Trend Report, which is based off 473 responses the organization e-mailed during March and April." But I don't even understand this. Who completed the surveys... direct marketers, creative directors, mail room managers? And what is the margin of error with 473 responses; did they account for this in their results? And why are you using e-mail instead of direct mail?

If You Optimize It, They Will Come... But Will They Stay?

Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come for reasons they can't even fathom. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

Everybody is always looking for something. New shoes, old dolls, big TVs, small computers. And how do most of them look for these things? They get online, go to their favorite search engine (Google) and enter a keyword or keyword phrase.

And that my friends is the key and not so well-kept secret of SEO. If you know what keywords and phrases consumers are using to find what they are looking for, you can begin to optimize your web site to reflect their searches and improve your ranking. Yes, you too can wind up on page one of the search results.

This is my most special place in all the world, Ray. Once a place touches you like this, the wind never blows so cold again. You feel for it, like it was your child.

Of course, as in the Field of Dreams, it is never quite that easy.

First you have to figure out what those keywords and phrases are (guessing or trusting your gut simply will not work). Then you have to apply them to your meta description and keyword lists. Then, and this is the truly scary part, you have to integrate these keywords and phrases into your web site content without bastardizing its intent and/or meaning (copy writing skills are required).

After all, while the goal of SEO is to get searchers to your site, the goal of the site is to keep them there, educate them, engage them, capture data about them and – in a perfect world – convert them.

So you need to understand how the process works, you need the skill and ability to identify target keywords and phrases, you need the ability to optimize your site and you need the ability to optimize the content. Sounds complicated, but it's really pretty simple once you break it down. And here's the best part: if you do it right (and don't skip or skimp on any steps), it actually works.

Ray. Ray. Listen to me, Ray. Listen to me. There is something out there, Ray, and if I have the courage to go through with this, what a story it'll make.