markeTING

markeTING Blog Has Moved to Sweeney Website

2011-01-25T21:15:00.005-05:00

It's taken a while, but we've finally launched our new website and are now hosting our blogs at www.sweeneypr.com

It's a timely occurrence as we celebrate our 25th anniversary throughout 2011. If your hunger for marketing and public relations knowledge persists (as ours does) we encourage you to go directly to our blogs... and offer your comments and criticisms at will:

markeTING

exeQnAtion

Consumer Products

The King of Marketing

2011-01-12T20:00:00.006-05:00

This may seem peculiar if not downright inappropriate, but please bear with me.

Martin Luther King was - among other things - one of the most effective marketers of the 20th century.

Like all great marketers, he was passionate about a product; in his case, the cause of equality and civil rights.

Like all great marketers, he understood that success required more than simply taking your product to the marketplace, but instead demanded the ability to integrate it into the marketplace.

Like all great marketers, he recognized the need to identify target audiences and establish measurable objectives (I have a dream).

Like all great marketers, Martin Luther King Jr. employed every reasonable strategy at his disposal to achieve his goals, making the world his stage. Between 1957 and 1968, he traveled more than six million miles and spoke more than 2,500 times, appearing wherever there was injustice, protest and action; meanwhile he wrote five books and numerous articles. During these 11 years, he led a massive protest in Birmingham, Alabama, that caught the attention of the entire world, providing what he called a coalition of conscience, and inspiring his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail", a manifesto of the Negro revolution; he planned the drives in Alabama for the registration of Negroes as voters; he directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people, he conferred with President John F. Kennedy and campaigned for President Lyndon B. Johnson; he was arrested upwards of 20 times and assaulted at least four times; he was awarded five honorary degrees; was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure.

Martin Luther King Jr. did not create a brand or launch a product, he changed the world to the benefit of each and every one of us. Then he was unjustifiably assassinated - shot dead - on the balcony of a hotel in Memphis at the age of 39. Yes, he was only 39.

This Monday we celebrate his life with a national holiday... a day off of work for some, and just another day at the office for others. I implore you this Monday to take just a moment to think about Martin Luther King Jr. and what he meant to our world. Go to MLK Online and read his bio or listen to a speech or watch a video of his last speech, "I've been to the mountaintop." Then close your eyes and give thanks to one of the greatest marketers - and men - of our time.

Is it Time to Change Your Logo?

2011-01-06T09:56:00.003-05:00

If you were Howard Schultz and you finally managed to pull your stock back to levels it hasn't seen in four years, would you take the chance of changing what is arguably one of the most recognized logos on the planet?

Such a bold move can only mean one thing: the Starbucks business is also about to change.

Brand names and logos, especially ones that have attained significant market awareness and acceptance, should not be trifled with.

It's kind of silly when you think about it. While a good brand name and a good logo can help the cause of an organization to build awareness and engagement and loyalty, in and of themselves they are rather meaningless. Seriously, does anyone thing Google is a good name? Does anyone think golden arches make a good logo?

At the end of the day, it is the organization itself – its vision, its practice, its people, its products and services, its prices, its promise and the delivery of that promise – that make the brand names and logos work.

If Starbucks coffee tasted like gas station java (and it clearly does not), all the logo changes in the world would not make a difference. On the other hand, if Starbucks coffee is recognized worldwide as the highest-quality coffee (and it clearly is), even a minor logo change can be huge.

So when is it time to change your logo? Mostly when it is designed to reflect a change in your business. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule... even Starbucks altered its original logo back in the late 1980s when it realized a mysterious sea nymph might be more appropriate than a bare-breasted siren.

10 Surefire Marketing Shortcuts

2010-12-16T09:23:00.004-05:00

Life may be a journey, but we're talking about business now, where the shortest distance between two points is universally recognized as a straight line. We're talking shortcuts.

So as we wrap up 2010 and head into the new decade, I'd like to offer 10 surefire marketing shortcuts... for those who disagree with Chaucer's observation in the Canterbury Tales: "In wikked haste is not profit."

10. Skip the research. Surely your C-level executives have their fingers on the pulse of the marketplace; research would only muddy the waters.

9. Marketing plans are a huge waste of resources. You know what you want to do, so just get to it.

8. To paraphrase a quote from the novel The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, "Budgets? We ain't got no budgets. We don't need no budgets! I don't have to show you any stinkin' budgets!"

7. Traditional media is dead, long live social media. Open a Facebook page and a Twitter account and everything else will take care of itself.

6. Don't over think your marketing staff. This isn't rocket science; hell, it isn't even accounting. It's all about hiring attractive people who like working with people.

5. Never ever hire a branding consultant. Remember that the Nike logo was created by a graphic design student at Portland State University... for only $2/hour.

4. Publicity is a great and easy way to get FREE media coverage, and you don't need an agency to make media lists and draft copy and conduct media follow-up. Just write up your own news release and send it out over the free wire services... and watch the media clips come flooding in.

3. Thanks to fast and easy website builder programs, virtually anyone can create a great site in a matter of hours – even an e-commerce site. So skip the web developers, designers, programmers and SEO experts... it's just a lot of excess baggage.

2. Yeah, even in this electronic age, you still need literature, but you don't need to pay for overpriced services. Write it, design it and print it yourself. Branding is for suckers.

1. To be completely honest, marketing is the greatest boondoggle of the past century... well, next to banking (but that's a whole other list). Consider eliminating marketing altogether.

What am I Missing?

2010-12-09T10:06:00.004-05:00

On the one hand, we are told that social media is the great equalizer, allowing citizens of the planet to reach out to one another and form new relationships and even networks and communities where truth, justice and the American way can prevail.

On the other hand, we are also told that "marketers" are grappling daily with ways to make money from social media.

And all these "social" citizens we read about? We are also told lots of them are wasting company time posting notes on Facebook and Twitter. Lots of them are watching YouTube and porn. Many of them are illegally downloading movies and music and video games.

Meanwhile, advertisers are popping up everywhere – breaking up the social media conversation as it were.

And it occurs to me that the social world on the Internet is a lot like the real world, except that it is easier to sneak around and hide your true identity online than it is offline. Everyone has funny names and uses image icons that are nowhere near reality. So what is going on here?

According to Merriam-Webster, "social" is marked by or passed in pleasant companionship with friends or associates. But that doesn't explain the high percentage of consumers (56% according to a Harris study) who said they had "avoided a particular vendor after reading negative comments about it via social networks." That doesn't sound very pleasant for the vendor.

Anyway, how do you know if the comments are true when they are attributed to NastyGuy792?

I guess what I am saying or wondering is this: Is the Internet and social media a great accomplishment or a great experiment? And if it's the latter, when will we know for sure if it was a success or a failure?

Lebrons and Tigers and Favres... Oh My!

2010-12-03T14:31:00.005-05:00

This is not what you think it is. It's not a post about sexual predators. It's not a post about out-of-control egotists. It's not a post about traitors. It's not even a post about society's need to idolize athletes then throw them under the bus.

How lucky are we to be witnessing the likes of three of the greatest athletes of all time... all at the same time? Think about it.

Brett Favre is arguably the greatest football player to ever live. The combination of skill and fearlessness have allowed him to play more games, make more passes, complete more touchdowns and win more games than one can imagine. Love him or hate him, Brett Favre is, has been and continues to be a thing of beauty.

Tiger Woods is arguably the greatest golfer to ever live. His focus, determination and physical strength have allowed him to hit the ball farther, close in on the green more accurately, putt more consistently and win more regularly than is even remotely reasonable considering the size and scope of the field today. Even now as he drags himself out of the downward spiral he created a year ago, he remains one of the most feared (and successful) competitors in the game.

Lebron is arguably the greatest young basketball player in the game today, and has the potential to be the greatest who ever played. His natural talent, physical strength and willingness to share the spotlight (and the orange ball) have allowed him to rise up to the highest level of greatness on the court – rebounds, assists, field goals, free throws. At 6'-8" and 250 pounds, he looks more like a ballerina than the towering brute that he is. And despite his recent "decision", he has proven to the world he is neither a fool nor a quitter.

And here they all are, performing their unique feats of magic, all at the same time. Even the non-sports enthusiast has to agree: "Oh my."

Thank You... I think?

2010-11-23T21:50:00.005-05:00

Thank you President Obama for promising Americans all kinds of relevant change and delivering more of the same. You told us to vote out of hope, not fear... I'm afraid we're still waiting.

Thank you big corporations for showing huge profits in the third quarter of 2010 and keeping it all to yourself by not hiring any new employees. The jerk store just called and there is no shortage of you.

Thank you big banks for living up to the reputation given to you by Frank Capra more than 60 years ago in his classic movie "It's a Wonderful Life." If George Bailey were still alive he would jump off a bridge.

Thank you terrorists for forcing an entire world to live in fear and anxiety while you claim to be acting in God's name. I am sure he will be proud of you when you finally meet.

But enough about the half of the glass that is empty.

Thank you mom and dad for teaching me the difference between right and wrong, for loving me in spite of my many shortcomings, for having faith in me and encouraging me to do good, for constantly reminding me that my responsibility in this life is to serve the greater good, and most of all for setting an amazing example by living lives that reflect your words. I love you both.

Thank you Denny and Patty and Brian and Kevin and Shawn and Kelly and Annie (my siblings) for always being there whenever I need you. You are a tribute to your parents and a constant inspiration to me.

Thank you Kathy and Matt and Crystal and Christian (my family) for loving me unconditionally and turning out to be such wonderful people. You are the reason behind my every good action.

Turns out Frank Capra was right.

We're Loud. We're Proud. We're Frito-Lay, eh.

2010-11-16T16:16:00.004-05:00

I love Canada, and I love Canadians, but Howard Chimoff and Frito-Lay Canada are a couple of toque-wearing hosers.

As the story goes, not long after Frito-Lay introduced its annoyingly loud compostable SunChips bag, real Americans offered Frito-Lay an ultimatum: Make them quiet or give me back my old bag. It's kind of funny when you consider how loud we Americans tend to be in the first place. Anyway, after US sales dropped during the 18 months following the introduction of the new noisy bags, and after 50,000+ consumers signed up on the Sorry But I Can't Hear You Over This SunChip Bag Facebook page, Frito-Lay caved.

Our neighbors to the north, confronted with the same dilemma, did what they (and France) do so well, they waived the white (er, green) flag and embraced the noise.

According to Food Navigator-USA, "Frito-Lay has pledged its commitment to retain its 100 per cent compostable packaging for SunChips in Canada and now offers free ear plugs to anyone who finds the bags too noisy."

Canadian marketer Howard Chimoff has commended Frito-Lay Canada for being creative and staying the course. Apparently he is only too proud to wear the earplugs. After all, you don't have to listen to reason if you can't hear.

And somehow, someway, all of this makes me very giddy. I am proud to be a loud American who won't settle for the pablum some corporate behemoth tries to feed me. I am proud that consumers let their wallets do their talking for them and forced Frito-Lay's hand. And I am equally confident in the ability and resolve of Frito-Lay to figure out a new and quieter eco solution (and they'll probably jack up their prices in the process). By God, this is the United States of America – we're loud, we're proud and we always figure out a way to make things work out.

I love this country.

Don't Be Surprisesd When You Get What You Pay For.

2010-11-10T13:35:00.005-05:00

How is it that a guy of my age and experience continues to be surprised by how many – and how often – otherwise intelligent and well-meaning marketing executives act thunderstruck by the cost of doing business in the 21st century?

And to be perfectly honest, I really don't know if they are truly incredulous or are simply acting surprised as a preemptive move to negotiate costs.

Imagine being willing to pay $8,000 (that's at a 12x discount rate) every month to run a full-page, color ad, but balking at the idea of paying a one-time charge of $3,000 (including copy and layout concepts, photography and print-ready art) to produce it. Really?

Imagine willingly shelling out nearly $100,000 to exhibit at a key annual trade show, but hesitating to invest $5,000 to support this investment with target marketing strategies designed to increase booth traffic, engage visitors and secure additional media coverage. Really?

Imagine wanting to see your product featured on multiple national TV talk shows (e.g., Today) and in national consumer magazines (e.g., Dwell) during the prime 2011 spring cleaning season for a budget in the neighborhood of $2,500. Really?

Imagine asking your agency to dramatically increase traffic to your website and improve sales conversions in the process through a strategically managed PPC program, but hesitating when you learn that the cost of managing the campaign is almost $500/month. Really?

I mean I get professional marketers wanting to squeeze as much value out of their budgets as possible. In fact, we even encourage them to set tangible, measurable objectives so we can determine if the results of the strategies we propose and implement justify the financial investments they make. That's good business.

But what are executives thinking when they expect professional services to be cheap... or worse, free? I suspect the problem lies deep within the boardrooms and executive suites where poor decisions are made about how much money should be dedicated to marketing the organization and its products/services.

My son recently reminded me – while we were discussing the merits of various cable/Internet/telephone service providers – that you get what you pay for when you shop for the lowest price instead of the best service. If you don't mind slow Internet speed and spotty cable, then take advantage of the low bundled price. If you want fast Internet speed and dependable cable, then pay the asking price. If you don't want to pay for anything, just ignore your current bill and see how that works out for you.

WWKVD?

2010-11-04T10:43:00.005-04:00

I have been thinking a great deal lately about the state of marketing.

Maybe it's because we have come to the end of the first decade of the new millennium. Or maybe because Sweeney is about to celebrate its 25th anniversary. Or possibly it's because I can not remember a time in my 30+ years as a marketing professional when I was so confused about where the industry is heading.

And then I remembered something my wise hero Kurt Vonnegut once said: "We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different."

Suddenly - in this context - the state of marketing seems less of an issue.

It Could be Worse. Oh, Wait, No It Couldn't.

2010-10-28T09:47:00.004-04:00

When it comes to politics and elections in the year 2010, it is clear the new marketing credo is to muddy the waters until nothing is clear... or preferably even visible. Of course dirty politics is not a new concept. Hell, even filthy politics has been around for centuries.

But the newest phase of political campaigning – flood the airwaves and Internet with a tsunami wave of lies and innuendos until virtually everyone is gasping for air – well, that's new. Choking the life out of people until they are powerless to understand, let alone care enough to vote, that is a new low for the electoral process.

On the other hand, particularly during the economic recession, congratulations to all the media outlets – traditional and online – who have reaped the benefits of the deluge of ad dollars being pumped into their revenue streams for the express purpose of drowning out the truth.

Back in the '60s, Timothy Leary encouraged us to "turn on, tune in and drop out." He wasn't just talking about getting high, he was encouraging the masses to detach themselves from the existing conventions and hierarchies in society. Given the current state of political campaigning, a flashback may be in order.

American Made. American Tested. American Approved.

2010-10-20T12:29:00.005-04:00

So, Tuesday night I am watching Modern Marvels on the History Channel. The focus of this particular episode was on the world's sharpest swords, knives, razors, etc. I was particularly fascinated by the Cutco cutlery (which I have in my own kitchen drawer) and the process they use to test the sharpness and longevity of their products. It was a marvel.

Once upon a time in America, this was a big deal – to test your products and prove their invincibility. Cutco deserves kudos for maintaining its commitment to sharpness for more than a half-century. Today, most companies and consumers are merely concerned about whether or not products are tested on animals, which is all fine and good, but what about the product's efficacy and viability and durability?

Then I came across this story about Woolrich – another great American company that's been around for a very long time (180 years to be precise). They are iconic to outdoorspeople, especially those of us in the northern states who enjoy hiking and fishing in the dead of winter. You don't want your Woolrich, you need your Woolrich. But after nearly two centuries, you would think it was no longer necessary to test and prove themselves.

Apparently it is.

Woolrich, who first supported polar exploration in 1939 when it outfitted Admiral Byrd's third Antarctic expedition, which included extensive study of geology, biology, meteorology and exploration of the southern polar region, is once again venturing into the cold.

On October 2nd, Dale Andersen Ph.D., of the Carl Sagan Center for the Study of Life in the Universe, departed for a three-month expedition to dive in remote lakes below twenty feet of ice to better understand how microbial life is able to exist in extreme environments on Earth. Along with his cameras and scientific gear, Andersen will be wearing and testing various Woolrich garments.

According to its news release, "Woolrich is providing Andersen with mid-layers, socks, headwear, and outerwear to use and provide feedback during this and future trips."

For the record, the annual average temperature in the interior of Antarctica is -50°C (-58°F). If Woolrich is good enough for Dr. Anderson below 20-feet of ice in this temperature, I am pretty confident it will hold up to the conditions on the Rocky River in the Cleveland Metroparks.

My congratulations to both of these American manufacturers for continuing to represent the best of what made this country great.

My Heroes... Not Counting My Dad (Dennis B.)

2010-10-13T22:38:00.005-04:00

When I was a kid, hero-worship was encouraged at home, at school and throughout the community. So it comes as no surprise that I admired, looked up to and emulated dozens of people who were heroic to me.

Martin Luther King, Jr., Edward R. Murrow, Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne, Muhammad Ali, Mahatma Gandhi, John Glenn, Mother Teresa...

I will admit it is an eclectic group. And it makes me question my own definition of a hero. Without referencing Merriam-Webster, I suppose the thing these men and women all shared was an uncommon courage and a conviction to a set of principles that I considered important: human rights, free speech, freedom, equality, peace, exploration, gentility and humility.

And I guess I kind of feel sorry for kids growing up today; sorry that they don't appear to have the same types of heroes to choose from. At the very least, it seems like the number of real candidates has dwindled. And I am reminded of the lyrics of a song written and sung by one of my musical heroes (Brian Wilson).

I was sittin' in a crummy movie with my hands on my chin
Oh the violence that occurs seems like we never win

Love and mercy that's what you need tonight
So, love and mercy to you and your friends tonight

I was lyin' in my room and the news came on TV
A lotta people out there hurtin' and it really scares me

Love and mercy that's what you need tonight
So, love and mercy to you and your friends tonight

I was standin' in a bar and watchin' all the people there
Oh the lonliness in this world well it's just not fair

Hey love and mercy that's what you need tonight
So, love and mercy to you and your friends tonight
Love and mercy that's what you need tonight
Love and mercy tonight
Love and mercy

Marketing Carrots as Junk Food? Sounds Like Junk Marketing.

2010-10-07T10:08:00.004-04:00

So a bunch of carrot farmers get together and decide to launch a $25 million ad campaign to make packaged baby carrots cool for teens. Sounds about right to me.

And here's the strategy: Position and market packaged baby carrots as a kind of junk food. According to the NPR report I heard and read, the marketing concept is to "colonize kids' brains with the idea that baby carrots are extreme and that the crunch is really awesome."

And according to the marketing expert at the agency behind the campaign, "it is a satire on [ads for Doritos and Mountain Dew]. It's like junk food advertising is a bit ridiculous, so let's have fun with it."

Okay, so I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest that this is an idiotic idea, the likes of which Wile E. Coyote might conjure up to catch a roadrunner. I am not saying it won't work. I am saying I see no foundation for investing $25 million into what appears to be an Acme-approved concept. I mean why not just paint anvils orange and drop them off cliffs onto unsuspecting teenagers' heads?

According to the story, "The carrot campaign also has a strategy to get bags of baby carrots into teenagers' hands easily via school vending machines." Seriously, these farmers are investing $25 million to promote carrots like junk food and put them into the junk food distribution stream via vending machines.

I just got one thing left to say about this: "What an embezzle! What an ultramaroon!"

Have You Started Your Holiday Pre-Shopping Yet?

2010-09-30T09:39:00.005-04:00

It's funny how behavioral change can just sneak up on you. Not just individual behavior, but societal behavior. And here we go again.

According to a new Pew Internet study, 58% of American adults now perform online research about the products and services that they are considering purchasing.

Of course, there is nothing new about "shopping around." I am sure we all have vivid memories of mom scouring the Wednesday newspaper ads as a prelude to her Thursday grocery shopping. And dad never bought new tires without checking the sports section of the paper for the best deals.

But this isn't a pure swap out. First of all, consumers are still referencing newspaper and magazine and TV and radio ads. In point of fact, consumers still spend more time watching TV and listening to radio and reading newspapers and magazines than they do on the Internet.

The behavioral change I am referring to has to do with the search process. Consumers aren't just reading ads on the Internet, they are going online to learn about the products they want, and find the best prices, and locate the most convenient stores (or buy it online) and discover what other consumers – or editors or bloggers – have to say about the product, and they even leave their own comments.

As if shopping isn't exhausting enough in its own right, we have now added a whole new level of pre-shopping activity (double ugh).

And what this means to the companies that make products, as well as the stores that sell products, is that you better catch up quick if you hope to satisfy the needs of the next generation of shoppers. Your web site better be occupied with tons of content – product descriptions, instructions, diagrams, photos, videos, testimonials – and interactive functionality and links to social network sites and easy to use shopping carts and store locators and on and on.

Because like it or not, the line at the cash register is now preceded by a visit to your web site (assuming your site is effectively optimized to achieve top search ranking).

Caveat venditor.

Shocking Revelation: Teens Talk More Than They Tweet

2010-09-23T11:44:00.004-04:00

Kids rock. Kids rule. Just ask them.

As a dad of three kids (no longer in their teens) and having once been a kid myself, I can honestly say that I love kids. I love babies, I love toddlers, I love youngsters, I even love teens. Kids are awesome. They are full of potential and energy and promise. They represent the best of what the world is and what it can become.

So, I was intrigued when I read the Adweek headline: Teens Deliver Brand WOM.

Of course I hate the idea that our industry is actually stalking teens to determine their "purchasing" and "communication" habits. But we are a capitalist society, so what're you gonna do?

But what really got my attention, what really took me by surprise, was what this study found:

Despite teens' immersion in the Internet, the report says the vast majority of their word of mouth takes place either face-to-face (75 percent) or by phone (10 percent). Just 13 percent occurs online.

Wow. I am shocked. I am surrounded by teen nieces (no nephews) who appear to forever be on their phones calling, texting and checking Facebook (none of them tweet), and like most adults I figured that's all they were doing. Turns out I was wrong. Turns out my perception about social networking and today's teens was faulty. And I am happy to get hung up - or out - on this one.

As Lady GaGa says in the last line of Telephone:

We're sorry, We're sorry,
the number you have reached is not in service at this time
Please check the number, or try your call again.

The Rules of Marketing in an Unruly Society

2010-09-16T10:51:00.003-04:00

It's late (approaching midnight), it's Tuesday (a school night), and mom is standing outside the Game Stop store with her 12-year-old son to drop $60 on Halo Reach, a new video game that is rated "M" for mature audiences.

If that doesn't say I love you, what does?

Man, when I was a kid... never mind, I really don't want to go there. Nor do I wish to disparage the video gaming industry, nor do I wish to give parents a bad rap for spoiling their kids.

But it did make me wonder about the changing role of marketing in the new dynamic of the "family" of the 21st century. Let's face it, the shame and disgrace of divorce and out-of-wedlock childbirth came and went about two decades ago.

Kids are growing up today in a multitude of family configurations that defy description or understanding, let alone the type of stereotyping that marketing relies on to sell ideas and products.

Try telling a kid today that "this ain't your grandma's car." First of all, which grandma are you talking about, my mom's mom or my step-mom's mom or my dad's mom or my step-dad's mom or my new step-dad's dad's second wife? Secondly, one grandma is still in her 40s and has a kid that is younger than me, while my other five grandmas are in their 50s, 60s and 70s. Thirdly, two of my grandmas live in Ohio, one lives in Las Vegas, one lives in Florida and the other one is constantly on the move.

I don't think there are enough psychologists or researchers to keep up with this situation. But as my dad used to say (I only had one dad), "If there's money to be made, someone will figure out a way."

Blue Jean Baby, Gray-Haired Lady

2010-09-08T10:39:00.003-04:00

A few years before the Internet and social media revolution, there was this other revolution that got its legs in the 1960s.

Referred to as the "age of youth," it was a time when more than 70 million teenagers and young adults rebelled against the conservative establishment (a.k.a. the man). It was a time of making love, protesting war, taking drugs, playing rock music and tuning out. It was a time of dramatic change, with war protests and racial riots and student shootings.

But after about a decade of revolution, sometime in the mid-70s, after the break-up of the Beatles and the end of the war, something unexpected happened. Suddenly the older generation (a.k.a. the establishment) started to come around, trading in their Brooks Brother polyester suits for blue jeans and t-shirts... smoking their children's dope... and letting it all hang out. And that my friend was the beginning of the end.

There is no better buzzkill for a youth movement than to have the older generation join the parade.

A new report from Pew Research reports that U.S. Internet users aged 50 and over have dramatically increased their use of social networking services over the past year. According to the data, 42 percent of users in that age group make use of services such as Facebook and Twitter, compared with 22 percent that claimed to do so in April 2009. Among that group, users aged 65 and over demonstrated the most significant growth, with twice as many using social networks in 2010 than in 2009.

In the words of Paul Anka:

And now, the end is near
and so I face the final curtain...

When The Market Shifts from Value to Price

2010-09-02T09:05:00.005-04:00

Once upon a time in America... consumers were so appreciative of the their new possessions they actually protected them from wear and tear. Who doesn't have at least one old aunt or grandmother who wrapped her new davenport (a.k.a. sofa) in plastic to preserve its life?

Welcome to the double-dip recession of 2010. Someday our children's children may look back at this time and recall how consumers were so pressed for cash and credit they actually... rode their bikes to work instead of their cars just to save on gas... clipped coupons before going to the grocery store... compared prices before buying... made sacrifices just to make their house payments... exercised to avoid doctor bills... robbed banks because the unemployment well finally ran dry.

For the record, I am rooting for a recovery in the economy, and I am pretty sure that a lot of other people are as well. Unfortunately, there appears to be a lot of writing on the wall resulting from a lack of leadership and a greed-centered business ethic that is global in proportion. I am very hopeful, though not entirely confident that the American will – the will of the people – can triumph as it has so many times in the past. Unfortunately those who are unaffected (the haves) don't seem to care, those who are most affected (the have nots) are almost entirely dependent on a bankrupt government, and those in the middle are struggling to survive.

This is not a pretty scenario, but not one without hope. What's the old American adage? When the going gets tough the tough get going. Well, I'm not sure what the plan is and I am not sure who I am following, but I am ready to get going.

At the end of the day, I'd rather sit on a plastic-covered couch than the space on the floor where the repossessed sofa used to be.

Marketing Manny

2010-08-31T12:01:00.003-04:00

In the grand tradition of Alfred E. Newman, Manny is forever wearing that "what, me worry?" look on his face. And who can blame him?

This guy is arguably the biggest knucklehead to walk down the pike since Homer Simpson first appeared on the Tracey Ullman Show nearly 30 years ago. And based on their bank accounts, it is fair to conclude one simple fact:

Americans love knuckleheads.

Manny, who started his baseball career in my hometown has proven to the world that loyalty is nowhere to be found on his list of character traits, while cash is a prime motivator. He's played on four different teams while knocking more than 400 baseballs out of the park. He doesn't really care who he plays for or how long he plays there, he just wants to get paid. His field play is among the worst in the history of the game, as is his ability to simply make it onto the field. I mean this is a guy who disappears in the middle of an inning to take a leak... a guy who gets busted for taking female hormone drugs. He is a class A knucklehead who can rake all day long... and little more.

And the fans can't get enough of him.

Meanwhile, down in Tampa, where the Rays are battling it out with the Yankees for first place, fans won't even show up to watch their team. Cincinnati has the same problem in southern Ohio... and so does Texas and San Diego (Cleveland attendance is dead last, but for good reason), which gives me an idea: rather than allow the Black Sox to pick up Manny's contract, why not make him the league's designated hitter? Manny can show up in all the ballparks where equally pathetic fans will show up just to watch him do whatever it is that Manny does. He can be the league mascot on the field.

It's a thought.

How Much Would You Pay?

2010-08-26T10:56:00.004-04:00

Hey, want to see the most disgusting thing ever? Seriously, something so gross it will keep you awake tonight? If so, click here.

Yeah, it's a mattress covered in bedbugs. Nice. It is the new epidemic. West Niles Virus and the Swine Flu (H1N1) are so yesterday.

Best of all, you need to know that these aren't your grandma's bedbugs, these are super powered gnawing machines that not only show up in beds, but have the ability to shut down movie theaters and retail stores (Victoria's Secret).

It is gross and nasty and it is happening everywhere. Fortunately, one company has a solution, and not only is it an effective solution (both immediate and long-term) against these nasty little nits, it is a green solution - safe to pets, people and plants.

ZymeAway, LLC has created a three-part solution (though you can buy individual products) consisting of ZymeAway All-Purpose Cleaner to clean and prepare surfaces, Bug-E-Spray to get rid of the critters and Bug-E-Dust to keep them out. Complete, environmentally friendly remediation. I know about this because I know the creator and environmental director of ZymeAway. He is an awesome guy whose only mission in life is to help people find a safer way to clean surfaces and "control" pests.

Of course you're probably thinking you will never need remediation, right? You think you're one of those clean people whose home is impervious to pests, right? Well think again. Bedbugs, like mosquitos and flies are equal opportunity pests, and they are coming to your town soon. The question is "what's it worth to you to get rid of them?"

There is an old Spanish proverb: "You can't have more bedbugs than a blanketful." Speaking for myself, a blanketful is one blanket too many.

The Future of Marketing: Online or Up a Tree?

2010-08-18T10:37:00.005-04:00

Did I ever mention that I am a family guy? Not a Peter Griffin kind of family guy or a Don Corleone kind of family guy, but more of a Mike Brady meets Tommy Gavin kind of family guy, which explains why I was visiting my mom last Sunday instead of lounging around the pool.

As I pulled in the driveway I was immediately struck by the image of my smiling nephew shimmying up a couple of elms in my mom's front yard.

"Uncle Jimmy," he yelled, "come here quick, I have to show you something. And get out your phone, you're gonna want a picture of this." What young Michael Santana lacks in subtlety, he more than makes up for in confidence.

And I was so pleased by what I saw.

At this particular stage in our social evolution, when children are actually suffering hearing losses due to a preoccupation with MP3 players, cell phones and video gaming, it is nice to know some kids still climb trees. And at this particular stage in our social evolution, when some people are preoccupied with saving the environment from humans, it is nice to know it is okay for kids to still climb trees.

Of course, Michael still loves his video games. Between climbs I noticed him hunched over and rubbing his hands. "Hey, Michael, are you okay," I asked, fearing he may have suffered a severe bark burn during his descent. "No, I'm fine," he assured me, "I just need a minute to reboot."

As my dad used to say, "All things in moderation."

OMG, WTF, Maybe One Day We Can All Just Grunt... LOL

2010-08-11T15:04:00.006-04:00

Big news from the District:

The Senate passed a new bill earlier this week. The HHFKA, which includes provisions FMI has sought to help lay the groundwork for a smooth transition for WIC customers to use an EBT card for their transactions. However, FMI was disappointed that the Senate cut funding to SNAP.

And this headline is just in from Ad Age:

APCO Comes Under Fire After HP CEO Resigns.

In the world of health news...

WHO says threat of H1N1 has passed, but H5N1 is still lurking.

I can't speak for anyone else, and maybe this makes me old-fashioned, but I actually enjoy reading words. Maybe it is a reflection of the cell phone, text and twitter age we live in, where characters are at a premium and speed is of the essence. Or maybe we are just getting so lazy that spelling out a whole group of words feels like an unnecessary punishment. But it really has to stop.

Last week, my son sent me this gem:

CDC began surveillance for foodborne disease outbreaks began in 1973; however, no SGA outbreaks were reported before 1984.

If you can tell me (without cheating) what an SGA is – and all suggestions are welcome and will be accepted – you will win the first ever TingFactor t-shirt award.

Music to My Ears

2010-08-05T12:14:00.004-04:00

Imagine falling into two holes on the same day – both seemingly disconnected – and winding up in the same place when you finally land.

There are many key ingredients to marketing. But the one I like most of all and the one I am talking about now is clever.

Merriam-Webster defines clever as something marked by wit or ingenuity.

So I fall into the first hole upon arrival at work this morning. My old friend and partner in marketing (Neil Egan) put me on to his son's band – Me, D and the Machine. Before my feet hit the ground I was hooked on the raw cleverness of this band's sound. Love the music, love the voices, and most of all, love the cleverness.

Then I fall into the second hole. I am halfway through the digital files on the band's MySpace page when my son calls. "What are you doing?" he asks. "Listening to a young band that I really like?" I reply. "Is it Everyday Chemistry?" he questions. "Huh?" I verbalize. "You know, the Beatles album from the 1980s."

At this point I am tumbling deep into the rabbit hole, dazed and confused. Then Christian sends me to a web site aptly entitled "The Beatles Never Broke Up". And with my head still spinning I get to the site just as my feet hit the ground. And there I learn that in an alternate universe the Beatles never broke up.

I love clever.

2010-08-05T12:14:00.000-04:00

Foursquare And Seven Months Ago...

2010-07-29T09:35:00.003-04:00

About seven months ago I installed the Foursquare app onto my iPhone and almost immediately found joy in keeping up, sharing and competing with my friends and colleagues on this relatively simple location-based service.

I quickly earned 6 badges, including the ever popular Crunked badge (thank you Charlotte, NC). I was elected mayor and booted from office many times.

Foursquare was useful and fun.

Then the marketers showed up; to which I respond: Can't you leave anything alone? As a lifelong professional marketer, I get it. As a consumer, I don't want it. You can't do a simple web search anymore without being bombarded by a dozen advertisers who not only think they know what you want, but who openly lie about what they are selling. Virtually every free phone app is now funded by mobile ads that interrupt your activities. E-mail boxes are flooded with unwanted correspondence and inappropriate offers. In short, the virtual world has become a reflection of the real world.

And Foursquare, which connects the two together, is quickly succumbing to the marketing sirens. Too bad. I deleted my Foursquare app and am moving on to newer, greener pastures. My goal is to stay one step ahead of the marketers (even though I am one of them).

Honest Abe once said: "You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." Maybe he was right, but I can't take one more today of advertising saturation... sometimes it's nice to simply be left alone with your thoughts.

Why is There Even a Question about Whether Social Media is a PR Function

2010-07-14T13:41:00.003-04:00

In the words of Mr. T, "Quit the jibber jabber."

For more than 30 years I have listened to one stupid argument after another about who can and should do what in this industry we call marketing.

Only ad agencies should create ads, only PR firms should do publicity, only direct marketing firms should manage direct mail, blah, blah, blah.

Maybe someone should tell Tony Hsieh that Zappos should only sell shoes. Maybe Someone should tell Steve Jobs that Apple should only make computers. Maybe someone should tell McDonalds to stick with burgers and fries and forget the coffee business.

Here is my advice to organizations looking to hire an agency to develop and implement their social marketing strategies - whether you are talking to an ad agency or a digital marketing firm or an SEO firm or a PR firm: Do a little homework, ask a lot of questions and find out what the agency team knows.

I have a 33,000-gallon inground pool at my home, and you could fit into a thimble everything I know about pools. So I look to experts for advice. I talk to pool stores who have service teams, I talk to pool construction companies that have service teams, I talk to dedicated pool service companies, I talk to independent pool guys, and I talk to neighbors who have pools and manage them on their own.

I ask them about opening the pool and about closing the pool, I ask them about shocking the pool, I ask them about treating and maintaining the water, I ask them about the pool pump and filtration system... in the words of Richard Dreyfus in Close Encounters, "I got a few thousand questions of my own."

I would never hire a pool service just because they say they service pools. And I would never not hire a pool service just because they also do other things. I hire the pool service guys who seem to have good experience, good ideas, and a good sense of what I want to accomplish. I also consider chemistry (not water chemistry, people chemistry) and references.

So instead of engaging in conversations about who should "do" or "own" social media marketing, engage in conversations with agencies about what they know and what experience they have and what their thoughts are and how their approach might be unique.

Find a fit and test it.

And if it doesn't work out, start over again.

And quit the jibber jabber.

P.S. If an agency team tries to dazzle you with acronyms, idioms and jargon, run (don't walk) to the next agency on your list. If they can not explain it clearly, they either don't get it or they are more interested in listening to themselves talk than they will ever be in meeting your goals.

Look at Me! Look at Me!! Look at Me!!!

2010-07-08T09:25:00.006-04:00

Once upon a time, people became famous as a result of something they did. Sometimes it was something great. Sometimes it was something diabolic. But it was because of something.

Today, being famous is an act in itself.

And with all due deference to Andy Warhol, he was not even close with his 15 minutes of fame prediction. Today, everyone wants and has the ability to have a lifetime of fame (albeit dubious).

It appears we have become a Jackass society overrun with media whores who will do anything and everything as a means to become and remain famous.

Back in the 1970s, novelist Tom Wolfe coined the term me decade in New York magazine to describe the new American preoccupation with self-awareness and the collective retreat from history, community, and human reciprocity. In kind, I would like to coin the 2010s as the look at me decade to describe the new American preoccupation with narcissism and the quest to be seen, viewed, heard, recognized and acknowledged for being alive.

Never before in the history of our planet have so many done so little and expected so much in return. Look at me. Follow me. Friend me. Tweet me. Text me. Blog about me. Watch me. Listen to me. Validate my existence.

We can blame it on the media – both traditional and social. We can blame it on a universal religion that deifies fame. We can blame it on an internal and natural drive to be gods. We can blame it on a globally networked yet totally disconnected society of human beings who simply want to be noticed.

I have no idea what the true cause is, but for anyone who cares, here is what the smartest man to ever walk this fine Earth (Albert Einstein) had to say about fame:

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.”

Marketing to Consumers Who Lack Confidence

2010-06-29T13:41:00.004-04:00

Who knows what to believe right now?

According to the Conference Board Consumer Confidence Index, “Consumer confidence, which had posted three consecutive monthly gains and appeared to be gaining some traction, retreated sharply in June.”

Lynn Franco, director of The Conference Board Consumer Research Center states, “Increasing uncertainty and apprehension about the future state of the economy and labor market, no doubt a result of the recent slowdown in job growth, are the primary reasons for the sharp reversal in confidence.

Translation: A lot of people are out of work and even those who are working don't expect to see a pay raise this year (despite steady increases in the cost of living) and they are short on cash.

This is a problem. As a marketer, you either have to focus on the small percentage of confident consumers who have good jobs and lots of money OR address the masses with solutions to their money woes.

I was riding my bike past a Houlihan's last night (where you go for premium quality and style; fare that's at times familiar and other times adventurous and a laid-back modern setting) and noticed the following verbiage on the marquee: Mealio Dealio every night. I am pretty sure this is their way of telling the public you can stretch your dollar by purchasing a happy meal at Houlihan's.

And why not?

On the other hand, just a few months after enticing consumers to sleep in line outside for the privilege to buy the first iPad, Apple managed to get an even larger sleepover crowd to wait for its new iPhone. The price tag tag for both products? Apparently not too much.

What's up with that?

My point is I actually have no idea what's going on out there and I have no idea who to listen to and I have no idea what to believe. It's good, it's bad, it's getting better, it's getting worse, buy gold, build a 2012 shelter...

Maybe Bobby McFerrin was right:

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy
The land lord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy

Truth vs. Honesty vs. Transparency

2010-06-24T13:39:00.004-04:00

Back in the last century of the last millennium, there were these Iran-Contra hearings to determine if it was true that Lieutenant-Colonel Oliver North actually participated in the sale of arms to Iran.

It was a big political scandal that prompted lots of politicians and news hounds to point accusatory fingers at a lot of people. But Ollie North was the main subject of their finger wagging.

Of course, Ollie wanted nothing to do with the whole hearing and did his very best to avoid answering every question. And somewhere in the middle of this C-Span moment – exhausted from chasing the artful dodger around the room – some senator or congressman looked down at North and reminded him that the great thing about telling the truth was that you never have to remember what you said before... because the truth never changes.

Anyway, I read this blog post in Ad Age today about branding. In it, Jonathan Salem Baskin (global brand strategist and author) suggests the following: "CMOs shouldn't spin or parse the truth."

Really? Do you need a global brand strategist tell you that? Are you that simple? But wait, there's more.

Baskin goes on to say, "Perhaps CMOs would get a better seat at the executive table if they stood up for doing the right thing when nobody was looking."

Wow! I am speechless. The implications of this statement are pounding in my ear like the sound of 50,000 vuvuzelas. Either Baskin is an idiot or our industry is bankrupt of any intelligence or morality.

Fuzzy Math and Goggle-Eyed Market Research Reveal Paid Search Truths

2010-06-16T13:36:00.010-04:00

According to a new survey from the Direct Marketing Association: "Marketers are managing their expectations when it comes to paid search. Nearly half say their primary goal in paying for a paid search campaign is driving traffic to their Web sites, but only three in ten list generating a direct sale from the click as their principal desired outcome."

If your primary goal is driving traffic to a web site, you are either an idiot or a liar. Is Disney World's primary goal to fill their parking lots? Is Las Vegas' primary goal to crowd the strip? Was Lost's primary goal to get people to turn on their TVs?

But wait, maybe I just didn't understand the report, so let's enlist a DMA expert to explain:

“Paid search ads are a great way to drive traffic to your web site; and when a paid search ad is clicked on, it usually leads to a two- or three-step sales process,” DMA research manager Yory Wurmser said in a statement.

Yes, that is much better; clear as frog water.

It would appear, if you read between the lines and over the shoulders, that the DMA is saying paid search ads are not intended to lead to a "direct" sale, but rather an "eventual" sale. As if you would click on an ad and it would take you to a shopping cart ready for check out.

Or there is the possibility that the DMA doesn't know how to conduct and/or interpret market research. Or worse, they are afraid to embrace anything that is not "direct marketing." After all, according to this research, "Response rates for direct mail have held steady over the past four years."

Finally, the report states, "These results are part of the DMA’s 2010 Response Rate Trend Report, which is based off 473 responses the organization e-mailed during March and April." But I don't even understand this. Who completed the surveys... direct marketers, creative directors, mail room managers? And what is the margin of error with 473 responses; did they account for this in their results? And why are you using e-mail instead of direct mail?

If You Optimize It, They Will Come... But Will They Stay?

2010-06-09T15:06:00.007-04:00

Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come for reasons they can't even fathom. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come.

Everybody is always looking for something. New shoes, old dolls, big TVs, small computers. And how do most of them look for these things? They get online, go to their favorite search engine (Google) and enter a keyword or keyword phrase.

And that my friends is the key and not so well-kept secret of SEO. If you know what keywords and phrases consumers are using to find what they are looking for, you can begin to optimize your web site to reflect their searches and improve your ranking. Yes, you too can wind up on page one of the search results.

This is my most special place in all the world, Ray. Once a place touches you like this, the wind never blows so cold again. You feel for it, like it was your child.

Of course, as in the Field of Dreams, it is never quite that easy.

First you have to figure out what those keywords and phrases are (guessing or trusting your gut simply will not work). Then you have to apply them to your meta description and keyword lists. Then, and this is the truly scary part, you have to integrate these keywords and phrases into your web site content without bastardizing its intent and/or meaning (copy writing skills are required).

After all, while the goal of SEO is to get searchers to your site, the goal of the site is to keep them there, educate them, engage them, capture data about them and – in a perfect world – convert them.

So you need to understand how the process works, you need the skill and ability to identify target keywords and phrases, you need the ability to optimize your site and you need the ability to optimize the content. Sounds complicated, but it's really pretty simple once you break it down. And here's the best part: if you do it right (and don't skip or skimp on any steps), it actually works.

Ray. Ray. Listen to me, Ray. Listen to me. There is something out there, Ray, and if I have the courage to go through with this, what a story it'll make.

Five Guys + Burgers + Fries = Marketing Magic

2010-06-03T09:58:00.004-04:00

Like many Americans wanting to be the biggest loser, I gave up on fast food about a decade ago. No more McDonald's Happy Meals, no more flame broiled Burger King Whoppers, no more Wendy's singles and chocolate frosties. I just quit.

And then along comes Five Guys Burgers and Fries. I had to try it. President Obama eats there, it must be good. And it was.

Fresh burgers made the way you like it, massive amounts of tasty fries and all the free shelled peanuts you can eat. And neither the wait nor the price is out of balance with the end product. But at the end of the day it is still fast food – still fried beef and potatoes – so why do I keep going back? Did I mention that I keep going back?

I have sworn off fast food and refuse to even fry foods at home. But at least once ever other week I find myself back at Five Guys for a small burger and a small order of fries (that I never finish). And I think I've figured it out.

Yeah, the food is good and that's definitely part of it, but it's more. The place is always clean; the floors, the counters, the tables, the cooking area – always spotless. The "five guys" who work there are always nice and friendly and sincere, chirping out orders and breaking into songs. In the meantime, there is always a solid mix of music playing in the background – not too quiet, not too loud. The place is always packed, but never overcrowded, and the wait is never unreasonable. And all the locations (I've been to three of them) are conveniently situated.

In short, it's an easy and enjoyable eatery. And in a world that is forever changing, Five Guys is one of those places – one of those experiences – you can count on for consistency.

And here is the marketing magic: I never heard of them before they showed up in my neighborhood. I have never seen a TV ad or heard a radio ad or read a newspaper ad or received a mailer. I have never received an e-mail or been to their web site, I don't follow their Twitter account and I am not a Facebook fan. I have not been tainted by outbound or inbound marketing in any way.

Yet I apparently am a loyal customer. Go figure.

Your Finest Box of Chardonnay, Please.

2010-05-26T14:16:00.003-04:00

It ain't easy being a consumer or a retailer or a marketer; it just ain't.

Consider a recent study by researchers at the Institute of Vine and Wine Sciences in Bordeaux, France. These scientists found that white wine loses its freshness within six months in PET bottles and bag-in-box packaging, compared with glass packaging. Red wine also fared better in glass bottles during the yearlong testing period.

I am guessing there are no more than three people in the world who are shocked by these findings... and that may be a stretch.

As you might imagine, the wine brands (no names please) who have shifted to plastic bottle and bag-in-the-box formats point out "the new bottles are lighter than glass bottles and also carry environmental benefits." Which is no doubt true, but does not address the claimed issue.

Best of all, the article offers no definitive conclusion. Which leaves me wondering: could something so simple as buying a bottle of wine be any more complicated?

Here is a test you can take at home: visit a local wine store or even the adult beverage department of your favorite local grocery store. Assuming you are not a connoisseur (and I am not) how would you decide what to buy? What do you even focus on – price, color of wine, color of bottle, shape of bottle, size of bottle, quality of label, coolness of name, type of closure, P.O.P advertising, an article from Food & Wine magazine taped to the shelf? Now add to to all this the new debate about plastic bottle vs. bag-in-the-box vs. glass bottle. Sheesh, this is probably why I drink beer.

Last weekend I found myself at World Market in search of a cheap Australian wine (Friday Monkey) for my better half. Of course they did not have it in stock, but they did offer to order it for me. Unfortunately she wanted to drink it that night, so we opted to roam the aisles. It was a beautiful experience; there were wines from all around the globe in every shape, size and color imaginable. I was mesmerized and somewhat smitten.

Ultimately, however, we acquiesced to the advice of a twentysomething store associate who suggested a particular zinfandel that he tried and liked last week. Interestingly the wine was not featured on an end cap or prominently displayed on a shelf... it was neither under nor overpriced... it was not a recognizable winery or product brand name... they were not offering free samples... and the label was ordinary at best.

But we bought it nonetheless and it turned out to be pretty good, which is more than I can say about the apparent value of marketing in the wine industry.

Live Together, Die Alone

2010-05-24T12:21:00.003-04:00

Goodbye LOST... and thank you for a great run.

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.

He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"
He said "Will you defeat them,
your demons, and all the non-believers,
the plans that they have made?"
"Because one day I'll leave you,
A phantom to lead you in the summer,
To join The Black Parade."

When I was a young boy,
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up,
would you be the savior of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
And through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
And when you're gone we want you all to know.

We'll carry on,
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it.

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all.
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call

To carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches

On and on we carry through the fears
Ooh oh ohhhh
Disappointed faces of your peers
Ooh oh ohhhh
Take a look at me cause I could not care at all

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scar
Give a cheer for all the broken
Listen here, because it's who we are
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song
I'm just a man, I'm not a hero
I! don't! care!

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on

Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

Do or die, you'll never make me (We'll carry on)
Because the world will never take my heart (We'll carry on)
Go and try, you'll never break me (We'll carry)
We want it all, we wanna play this part (We'll carry on)

Pretty Pictures Leave Bing as Third Tier Search Engine

2010-05-18T14:46:00.004-04:00

When I was living in Chicago, someone once told me that Cleveland was Detroit without the glitz. Being a Cleveland native, I was not amused, but I did understand. They were both once proud lakefront cities that rose up during the great industrial revolution, thrived mightily through the manufacturing base that settled there and are now mere shadows of their past... struggling for a new identity and a brighter future.

They would both like to be Chicago or New York, but they are not. They did not have the vision when it was required – some 50 years ago. They did not see the future until it had closed in on them. Oh sure, they tried to fix things. They voted in well-meaning government officials who promised change. They built new stadiums and entertainment venues. But in the end, they simply had nothing special to offer that one could not get better in Chicago or New York.

And that, in my opinion is the problem with Bing. Microsoft was late to the search engine party and when they finally arrived they simply tried to repackage Google and present it as something new, spending more than $100 million to convince the consuming public that Bing had zing.

But in the end, Bing still holds less than 10% of the total market share of searches. I wouldn't categorize it as a failure, but it isn't exactly a big success. Just imagine what might have happened if Bing actually came to market with something innovative... something unique... something of value.

While imitation may indeed be the most sincere form of flattery, it is rarely the best business move.

Remember When Fat was Fun?

2010-05-12T13:23:00.007-04:00

The brilliant illustrator Rob Sheridan created Cereal Mascot Reunion a few years ago to show that "things are never as good as they used to be."

Apparently Rob is a bit of a psychic. Imagine the depression poor Cap'n Crunch and Tony the Tiger must be feeling now that the White House wants them banned from future marketing.

But hey, if that's what it takes to stop the runaway fat kids train, then so be it.

According to the Wall Street Journal, "A new 120-page report released Tuesday by the White House says food companies should extend their current self-imposed regulations to cover all forms of marketing to children, and food retailers should avoid in-store marketing that promotes unhealthy products to children. It says all media and entertainment companies should limit the licensing of their popular characters to food and beverage products that are healthy."

Finally, sanity reigns supreme. The chubby crisis is all but over. And it was so freakishly easy: Just get the evil marketers to kill off or otherwise transition their popular characters into health nuts and everyone will be thin and healthy. No more plump pubescents, no more obese babies, no more chunky children. Karen Carpenter would be proud.

Thank you Federal Government. Thank you White House. Thank you First Lady Michelle Obama.

Welcome to the New World of "InYourFacebook" Marketing.

2010-05-03T15:30:00.009-04:00

The battle to ban corn syrup is succeeding – not in proving that corn syrup is bad for our health; there is actually little proof of that at all – but in scaring consumers and causing manufacturers to buckle under at the first sign of adversity. In fact, some manufacturers are so concerned they are going old school and replacing corn syrup with sugar – even though they know it is no healthier and it costs more to produce.

And how exactly did this happen? According to the New York Times, "What started as a narrow movement by proponents of natural and organic foods has morphed into a swell of mainstream opposition, thanks in large part to tools of modern activism like Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and movies like “Food, Inc.” and “King Corn.”

If this is the true power of social media – to intimidate – it is time to disconnect or at least distance yourself from the Internet. Marshall MacLuhan told us long ago that the medium was the message, but at least TV and radio and newspapers and magazines were operated by trained professionals adhering to government mandated standards. In today's new world order virtually any inmate can run the asylum... and the general public seems to be okay with that. Or perhaps the Internet has simply made public what some of us have always suspected: there are a lot of devious people in this world who will use any tactic to get what they want (including social media). I believe Machiavelli talked about that at great length.

Imagine that a bunch of e-mails and Facebook comments and blog posts could actually convince big-ass brand name products like Gatorade drinks, Kraft salad dressings, Wheat Thins, Ocean Spray cranberry juice, Hunt's Ketchup and Pepsi and Mountain Dew Throwback to abandon corn syrup and replace it with sugar. We are not talking about tens of millions of protesters or even millions of protesters. In fact, no one really even knows how many anti-corn syrup protesters we are talking about. We just know there are Facebook groups out there like “THE BAN OF HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP IN THE U.S.” And based on the misinformation they are spreading, manufacturers are throwing in the towel.

Why? Because what these groups are saying about the evils of corn syrup are true? NO. Because these activists carry so much weight they could sink a brand powerhouse? NO. Then WHY?

“Manufacturers are tired of hearing about the e-mails, the 800-number calls and the letters,” says Phil Lempert, editor of the Lempert Report, which focuses on supermarket trends. “People don’t want it, so why fight them?”

Did you just read that? Did you comprehend it? This guy is saying manufacturers "are tired" and would rather just pay the kidnappers. Forget the fact that this is just a band of loudtalkers. Forget the fact that their facts are wrong. And forget the fact that it is more costly and just as unhealthy to make sugar-based products than corn syrup based products.

Since when did American manufacturers give in to the unsubstantiated rants of any consumer group, let alone Twitter and Facebook groups? When did businesses start allowing fear to run roughshod over reason? In the quest to protect their precious brands, companies are losing sight of logic.

Some could argue that in this age of digital media, perception is reality, ergo, we must act on what is perceived. I would argue that if the perception is based on half-truths and false information, you should stand up and fight for what you believe in.

Big Girls in Hot Underwear? Ma ma se, Ma ma sa, Ma ma Cacique

2010-04-29T09:12:00.006-04:00

I said you wanna be startin' somethin' You got to be startin' somethin'

The problem with pointing your finger at someone is there are always three fingers pointing back at you. In this case, the three fingers are pointing back at Lane Bryant, the supposed innocent victim in the case of the rejected plus-size bra and panties commercial.

Don't get me wrong, Disney-owned ABC (Dancing With the Stars) and FOX (American Idol) are totally hypocritical in their unwillingness or lack of desire to air these savory TV spots.

In their own defense, a Lane Bryant source says,"They [FOX] wouldn't run the ad, but have you seen the Victoria's Secret spots? If you saw the Victoria's Secret spot and our spot, you'd see nothing different."

A spokesman from Fox said,"We didn't treat them any differently than Victoria's Secret." Disney owned ABC declined to make a comment. Oh Mickey You're so fine, You're so fine You blow my mind Hey Mickey! Hey! Hey! Hey Mickey! Hey! Hey!

Much ado about nothing?

Not when you consider that Lane Bryant has conveniently avoided the obvious choice to hire the hottest, sexiest plus size models they could find to display their new line of sexy lingerie. Being a resident of the planet's fattest nation, I know what most plus-size people look like, and 99% of them do not look like these models... so much for Lane Bryant's honesty, integrity and transparency with their target customer.

How does the old saying go? There are lies, there are damned lies and there are TV ads.

You love to pretend that you're good, when you're always up to no good...

Marketers Counting on Consumer Vapidness

2010-04-22T09:23:00.003-04:00

According to an article in Forbes this week, some pretty major marketers believe consumers need to turn the corner on the recession and start spending their money again.

"New ad campaigns suggest marketers are eager to shake off the gloom of tough economic times--and they hope consumers will do the same. While some economists aren't sure the tough times are history, advertisers don't seem to care. Companies are rolling out carefree ads that use humor, colorful images and upbeat language to get consumers to lighten up--and open up their wallets." So says the article.

Makes sense to me. Oh, wait, no it doesn't.

One commercial from BMW of North America tells anyone who will listen: "What you make people feel is as important as what you make." Huh?

"There is a market turn toward the positive," says Deutsch N.Y. Chief Creative Officer Greg DiNoto. "That's a smart marketing strategy for any brand when you're emerging from a recession. Brands need to be associated with winning." Okay, that actually does make sense... if we have actually emerged from the recession, which most Americans have not.

On the flipside, Hamish McLennan, global chairman and CEO of Young & Rubicam, warns that many consumers and advertisers aren't quite ready to spend money again. "Most people are cautiously optimistic that it's going to get better, but we're not seeing precrash levels--and we won't for a long time," he says.

So, what's a marketer to do?

P.T. Barnum, the American showman and businessman, was credited (whether true or not) as saying that you will never go broke underestimating the stupidity of the American public. This camp believes there's a sucker born every minute just waiting to doll out its hard-earned cash. Benjamin Franklin, on the other hand is credited for encouraging consumers to be frugal: "A penny saved is a penny earned." Apparently not much has changed over the past few centuries.

One thing is clear: communicating with and/or marketing to consumers – whether the recession is over or not – is a good idea for any brand that wants to be or remain a leader in the marketplace. It's just a question of "what" and "how" you communicate.

Too Many Marketing Chefs in the Kitchen

2010-04-15T10:34:00.003-04:00

How many agencies does it take to achieve an organization's marketing objectives? Is one enough? Is five too many?

There are ad agencies and creative agencies and public relations agencies and and digital agencies and social media agencies and SEO agencies and direct marketing agencies and on and on and on.

So what's a CMO to do?

In the case of SoBe, they decided to try something different. As an alternative to working with a single or primary agency that was doing a good job achieving awareness, but not getting the kind of engagement the company wanted (we assume this objective was identified), they decided to look for agencies (plural) who offered a different perspective.

Angelique Krembs, director-marketing for SoBe says "Going forward we needed to get to engagement. That's why we evolved our approach."

According to the story in AdAge: After a request for proposals went out late last summer, Firstborn picked up digital agency-of-record duties, while Weber Shandwick became PR agency of record. TracyLocke, a longtime partner of the brand, continues to handle promotion.

By all accounts, the hybrid approach is working fine so far. SoBe's agencies say the new model allows for a more-collaborative team effort and will give the brand a competitive advantage.

I guess... but I am admittedly hopeful and skeptical. My concern here is twofold. First, the idea of hiring multiple agencies to complement each other in a quest to achieve better results is not new. Second, it usually results in an epic explosion fueled by greed and egos.

In theory, this concept of "true collaboration" is an extraordinarily good idea. In practice, I have never seen it work. Best of luck to SoBe and its team of agencies; I look forward to seeing what the model looks like a year from now.

Seriously Dysfunctional Marketing

2010-04-08T10:39:00.004-04:00

Hi, I am Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer who ever lived. I really screwed the pooch - literally and figuratively. I embarrassed my wife and my family and my fans and the PGA. I am sorry, please forgive me. Let's play golf... and just leave me alone.

Hi, I am Billy Payne, chairman of the Masters. I am ashamed of Tiger Woods. You disappointed me and everyone else. You are not a hero. The future will never be the same. Let's play golf... and make sure Tiger is teeing off late in the day so we can get some great coverage.

Hi, I am Earl Woods, Tiger's dad. I am dead; yet somehow I am on a new Nike TV commercial. Tiger, I am curious... did you learn anything? Let's play golf... or you're history.

Hi, I am Nike, a global marketer of athletic footwear, apparel and equipment that is unrivaled in the world. I make crazy commercials that make people think. I like Tiger Woods, so I just made a crazy commercial about him. Let's play golf... and buy more of my shoes and stuff.

For some reason, in the middle of all this marketing mayhem, I am more sad than anything else. Sad about what could have been and sad about what is.

And now, in the words of one of the greatest fictional athletes of all time, Forrest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Marketing the Top Dog in an Anti-Dog World

2010-03-30T15:01:00.008-04:00

Good News for Sara Lee: Ball Park brand has finally pushed its top competitor, Oscar Meyer, out of the number one beef frankfurter spot.

Bad News for Sara Lee: Institutions worldwide are taking a harder line against "junk foods", including America's favorite, the hot dog. Apparently timing is everything.

With public sentiment shifting, the iconic wiener is in danger of no longer being as American as baseball; but then again, neither is baseball (and the vote is still out on apple pie). It would seem schools don't want kids eating unhealthy foods, nor does the federal government for that matter, which means parents will eventually limit if not eliminate the poor frankfurter from their regular diets. And hot dogs, for better or worse, could someday become the new face of antiestablishmentarianism.

As the new king of the hill, Ball Park plans to capitalize on its success by upgrading its traditional campaign strategies.

According to BrandChannel, Ball Park’s marketing efforts are focusing on a new demographic: moms and their sons. The brand conducted consumer research and discovered that its sales primarily come from teenage boys and their mothers, and not adult males as had been assumed [Editorial aside: why didn't they already know this?]. This realization helped CMO Philippe Shaillee to redirect promotional efforts. Shaillee explained that the target mom was “really looking for a hearty solution for her teenage son and husband,” and not “just a lower quality snack or that would get them into this mindless eating behavior, but something that was solid, yet still fast and convenient.”

They also plan to do some sports-based advertising and some social media stuff. Oddly there is no mention of nutrition or healthy foods. So I went to the Ball Park website, where I found a whole line of "Better For You" product offerings – low-to-no fat and far fewer calories, but with all the great taste. Now that's a hot dog marketing angle you can wrap your arms around.

Regardless, there is no apparent need to panic. Ballparks in the United States expect to sell nearly 22 million hot dogs this year, according to the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council. And that's just a tiny portion of the 730 million packages of hot dogs sold at retail stores last year.

Anyway, a healthy hot dog is better than no hot dog.

Let Them Eat Cake

2010-03-24T12:16:00.005-04:00

As the new healthcare reform bill gets sorted out and we learn more of the details, the one thing that seems to be jumping out sideways is the mandate to get healthy... or else.

On the business side of things, for example, there is a provision that will require restaurant chains with 20 or more locations to post calorie counts on menus, menu boards, drive-thru menus and vending machines (seriously). Apparently the goal is to educate (shame) consumers into eating smaller portions and/or healthier selections.

On the consumer side of things, beginning in 2014, everyone will be required to purchase health insurance or face a $695 annual fine. There are some exceptions for low-income people. I would compare this with the requirement most states have to carry auto insurance... and you can see how that has made all of us better drivers. And of course, there is the 10 percent excise tax on indoor tanning services.

Meanwhile, recent IRI (Information Resources Inc.) data revealed at SNAXPO 2010 (yes, a trade show dedicated to snacks!), confirms that consumers want what they want: 47% of shoppers say they want to eat what tastes good rather than what’s healthy, and two-thirds of snack purchases still are in indulgent snacks.

According to a Cincinnati Enquirer story, "In a study published last year by the online journal Health Affairs, only half of customers in poor New York City neighborhoods with high rates of obesity and diabetes noticed the calorie counts."

I have two thoughts:

1. As a marketer, this should make for some amazingly fun strategizing over the next decade.
2. As an American, I am becoming "numb to the dumb".

Drowning in a Sea of Pathetic LOST Podcasts

2010-03-19T16:05:00.004-04:00

Did I mention I was a LOST fan?

But do you know what I am not a fan of? Self-serving, long-winded, uncreative, poorly produced LOST podcasts.

OMG. If you want to know the problem with easy-to-access social media and easy-to-use technology, start with LOST podcasts.

For the record, there are some very good LOST podcasts out there that I listen to religiously, like "God Loved Jacob". And then there are the hundreds that absolutely suck the life out of you.

Imagine a room of 6-8 drunks sitting around a living room coffee table loudly talking over each other, swearing like sailors, giggling like schoolgirls and spewing one ridiculous thought after the next. Or imagine a dull, annoying, mindless nincompoop droning on and on in a monotone voice without ever saying an interesting or enlightening thing. Now multiply that by 200 and label it the LOST Podcast of the Week.

Don't believe me?

Try to spend more than five minutes listening to any one of these without reaching for the sharpest pencil you can find to jam into your ears:

What Katy Said

The Cranky Fanatic

Jacob's Cabin

LOSTlogue

Keys to Lost

While the nice thing about the Internet and social media and easy-to-use technology is that virtually anyone can get involved. Virtually anyone can produce a video or a podcast or an MP3 file and post it online for the world to see or hear or both.

But the truly unfortunate thing about the Internet and social media and easy-to-use technology is that virtually anyone can get involved.

I believe there is an old saying to cover such situations: Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

You Can Even Buy Money at Walmart

2010-03-17T16:07:00.003-04:00

Walmart will soon have about 1,500 in-store MoneyCenters – that's roughly one in every other store – where you can cash your check or pay your bills. Apparently company associates just aren't busy enough selling clothes and groceries and electronics and fast food and automotive supplies and home furnishings and sporting goods and computers.

According to recent news reports, Ira Rheingold, executive director of the National Association of Consumer Advocates, said the MoneyCenters could be a good thing for consumers, by bringing more competition to the industry and focusing on an underserved segment of the population.

And when you really think about it, how much worse could Walmart do than the traditional banking industry that drove us into our current recession? At the very least we know they will greet us upon arrival.

Still, local watchdog groups are keeping a close eye on Walmart as it expands its financial services. After all, Walmart is becoming more bank-like without any of the regulation. And the company does have a reputation of destroying anything and everything that gets in its path.

Quite frankly I have no idea if the MoneyCenter concept will work; clearly Walmart thinks it will. And I guess it really doesn't matter one way or the other. For as Sam Walton once said, “There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down, simply by spending his money somewhere else.”

And that's the bottomline.

Let's All Go to the Housewares Show.

2010-03-15T11:31:00.004-04:00

For the third consecutive year, Jennifer is off to Chicago attending the International Home and Housewares Show. If estimates hold up, she will be one of 60,000 attendees (not to mention the nearly 2,000 exhibitors and their teams, plus the media and bloggers) to grace the hallowed halls of McCormick place. I am not certain, but I think that's more people than attended the Bon Jovi concert Jen went to in Vegas last week.

For the record, I am jealous. I love the windy city I once called home, and I miss the wonderful energy that is unique to this Midwestern metropolis. I also love the Housewares Show and this special opportunity to experience a seemingly infinite number of exciting new products – some that will make it and a lot that will not – and feed off the amazing level of hope that fills every inch of every booth space.

Of course, Jen will bring back some nice chotchkies for everyone. And I am certain she will write about the entire experience in her Consumer Products blog. And it will be great.

But on the whole, I'd rather be in Chicago at McCormick Place for IHHS... or at least for the day after when they dye the Chicago River green.

The Media Database is Your Foundation; Do the Right Thing

2010-03-11T09:19:00.002-05:00

Back in the '90s, there was a Cleveland builder who got busted for building a bunch of new homes that were never attached to their foundations. Turns out it really didn't matter, because the foundations were faulty as well.

According to one expert, "the footings and foundation are to a home what a person's legs and feet are to their body." Steve Bible, director of operations for Medallion Homes, says "The purpose of an engineered foundation is to support the superstructure of the home with consideration given to the existing soil conditions. The walls and roof of a home bear down on the foundation that rests on the soils that differ. With every house that is built, the soil must be studied to determine the engineer's design criteria."

And what does all this have to do with a media list? Everything.

Your media database is the foundation of your publicity and media relations program. It is not something that should ever be taken lightly or for granted. If it is not right, then the rest of your efforts – sending out news releases and calling media – will likely be a waste of time and money.

Unlike the home and building construction industry, there are no standards or regulations to guide database builders. Instead it is left to everyone's discretion as to how they will strategize and construct their lists. And that is just awesome... not.

Some use printed directories, some use electronic directories, some use online database services, some just rely on news distribution services and don't maintain any databases at all. Whichever of these methods are used, it is critically important to realize that this is at best, just the first of many steps that are required. Because unfortunately, none of these methods will allow you to create the database (foundation) capable of supporting the rest of your program.

Printed, electronic and online databases are generally only 75-85% accurate on any given day. Media outlets are missing. Media outlets that have shut down are still listed. Contact names are wrong. Contact information is wrong. And the support you receive from these providers is often useless.

But it is a place to begin the process (more on that in just a moment).

As for news distribution services, don't get me started. These services (no names please) charge a premium to shotgun the marketplace with no assurance that the desired reporter/editor/producer/blogger will ever see the news release. And, of course, you do not own the database, nor will you ever see it, so good luck with your follow up.

Creating a valuable, living, breathing media database is important and hard work. It begins with the creation of a basic list (see above) that must then be honed and maintained over time. Ultimately, whether your list has 20 or 20,000 contacts, you need to be in communication with those contacts – initially to ensure you have the right person and eventually to establish a working relationship in which you understand what to send to whom in what way and at what times to achieve maximum results. Likewise, you need to know how and when (if at all) they wish you to follow up after sending them information.

Believe it or not, communication with the media is branding. How you interact with editors and reporters and producers and bloggers will determine how these critical gatekeepers of information report about (or simply ignore) your organization and products. Putting the right information in front of the right person at the right time is important. Putting the wrong information in front of the wrong person at the wrong time is likewise important.

So, the next time you think about whipping up a media list to send out a news release, think about branding and reputation management. Think about how a sound database can help you and how a bad one can hurt you. And do the right thing.

It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Do Better Labels = Healthier Americans?

2010-03-04T10:12:00.004-05:00

Everyone opposed to a healthier America, please stand up.

Now, everyone who believes that a leading cause of obesity in America is deceptive labeling, please eat a double bacon cheeseburger.

According to the FDA, "22 products made by [17] companies violate the federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act. The violations include unauthorized health or nutrient-content claims, and unauthorized use of words such as "healthy," which have strict, regulated definitions. Companies receiving these letters must respond within 15 business days, detailing the steps being taken to correct their labeling."

Really? This is what we are worried about?

Please do not misunderstand, I am all for honesty in packaging and labeling and advertising; this is good stuff. And I am all for a healthier America. But at a time when dollars are tight, Americans are fat and healthcare spending is out of control, are we really supposed to think this is an important use of anyone's time and money?

And while I am quite sure that all 17 of these food companies are hustling to cover their arses and make whatever changes are necessary to appease the FDA (and they should), I can't help but think there are bigger fish to fry... or bake if that is the healthier alternative.

My dad used to tell me that the secret to a stable life was relatively easy: "All things in moderation," he would say. But my dad was an independent man, like most Americans. So despite his own advice, he ate and drank and smoked what he wanted. And when he suffered the consequences (which happened often) he never once blamed it on "unreliable product labeling" or lack of government protection.

So, while I am glad the FDA is doing their job to make it easier for health-conscious Americans to easily access reliable information about the calorie and nutrient content of food, I am nonetheless skeptical.

When Americans decide they want to get healthy, they will get healthy. Until then, they will eat all the wrong foods regardless of the labeling.

In the words of Popeye, a great American, "I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam."

In the words of Wimpy, "I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today."

And there you have it.

LOST: Of Mice and Men

2010-02-27T20:51:00.006-05:00

My updated theory on how island Sawyer dies...

In "The Substitute, the 4th episode of season 6, Sawyer puts fake Locke - and himself - to the test:

SAWYER: Do you read?
LOCKE: Excuse me?
SAWYER: Books. Do you read books?
LOCKE: Sure. Who doesn't?
SAWYER: My favorite's Steinbeck. Of Mice and Men. You know that one?
LOCKE: Nope. A little after my time...
SAWYER: It's about these two guys, George and Lennie. Lennie's kinda slow... causin' George problems... so George walks him into the woods and tells him to look out yonder and picture the pretty little house they're gonna live in some day. Then he shoots Lennie in the back of the head.
LOCKE: Well that doesn't sound like a happy ending.
SAWYER: It ain't.
[Sawyer points a gun at Locke]
LOCKE: What's on your mind, James?
SAWYER: I'm wonderin' what would happen to you if I put a bullet in your head.
LOCKE: Why don't we find out?

Fast forward now to the showdown at the OK Corral, where fake Locke and his group of gullibles have managed to capture the temple. Proud of his accomplishment, only Flocke knows that this is just the first battle of the war.

Flocke smiles at James and asks him to accompany him. "Where to almighty wizard?" Flock smiles: "I told you you were close. Now let me show you just how close we are." Flocke leads Sawyer through and below the temple where they come upon a standing pool of water. Flocke tells James to look into the pool and picture his future.

James looks more closely. "What the... Juliet?" A tear streams down his cheek as he sees himself with Juliet in a coffee shop.

Then Flocke shoots Sawyer in the back of the head.

Island Sawyer and Juliet are dead. Long live Sawyer and Juliet.

Dead is Dead and LOST is Lost.

2010-02-25T09:47:00.006-05:00

Okay, so once a year I indulge my inner child by talking about LOST. I am a fan bordering on being a fanatic. Have not missed an episode since the season premiere. Don't know why. Can not explain it. Hooked.

Anyway, for anyone out there who is likewise or even remotely as interested as I am in this insanity (I blame it all on Shel Silverstein - Jimmy Jet and his TV Set), I want to go on record with my "reveal" of how the season and series will wrap itself up.

It's 8:15 a.m. and Desmond Hume's alarm clock is blaring. He awakens on his sailboat and joyfully calls out to Penny and little Charlie to let them know he is awake and ready to join them for breakfast. No reply. "Penny?" "Charlie?" Joy turns to surprise. "Penny." Surprise turns to apprehension. "Penny! Charlie!" Apprehension turns to fear as Desmond reaches the deck, his head (and the camera) swirling. No one in sight. Desmond is alone. "PENNNNY!" "CHARLIEEE!"

Back on the island, Dark Locke and his band of mystified misfits attack the Temple. It is now clear that Flocke's intent is to kill every living soul on the island... fight together, die alone. While Jack and Hugo are off at the lighthouse pondering Jack's destiny, the battle royale is in full swing. Jin and Sawyer are along for the ride (caught up and clueless) until they spot their constants (Sun and Kate) and quickly move to protect them from the melee.

Back in the real world, Desmond goes to the only place he can go. Confronting Charles Widmore, who appears not to recognize Desmond and suggests that he has no idea who this "penny and baby Charlie" are... until Desmond mentions the island. "You know about the island?" Widmore asks. Desmond is frantic and frustrated and, well, lost. "Of course I know, you know I know." Neither Desmond nor Charles appear to know that the "incident" has changed their fate as well. But they piece it together and Desmond is off immediately to do the one thing he and Charles have both failed to do for six years – destroy the island (follow a bearing of 325 degrees or 305 degrees).

Okay, this post (like season 6) is already getting too long.

Flocke wants to free himself from the island. Jacob wants to keep Flocke on the island. The Losties want to go home. Desmond and Widmore want to blast the damn island into oblivion. Where will the madness end as all the forces finally converge on the temple with different and opposing goals? And don't forget, there is a sideways life going on back in the real world.

Sooner or later you have to make a choice. You can't have it both ways. You either live in the real world or live in the "other" world. So Sawyer gets dead and Jin gets dead and Sun gets dead and Sayid gets dead and Claire gets dead and Ben gets dead, and they all live out the life they were meant to live back in Tustin, California.

It requires pure good to destroy pure evil, so Flocke gets taken out by Desmond.

As for Jack and Kate, it turns out Ms. Austen got pregnant on her last trip back home, and Jack is the man, so they must die in Tustin and spend their remaining days raising their family on the island... and Jacob and Ilana will be around – if only in spirit – should you need them.

Of course, this is all ridiculous conjecture - part science, part romance, mostly lunacy - and none of it is likely to happen this way. But what the heck, the series can only end once, anything that happens before that is just progress.

What Tiger Did Today is NOT PR.

2010-02-19T15:07:00.008-05:00

Call it what you want. Call it spinning. Call it baring his soul. Call it dancing. But please don't call it PR. Our industry doesn't need any help smearing its image.

Tiger Woods is to PR what Michael Vick is to veterinary medicine. There is no connection.

Tiger is a phenomenal golfer. And based on his admission today, he is a terrible husband. But he is not a public relations professional and this was not a public relations move. This was a guy protecting his livelihood.

And if you insist on calling it PR, at least have the decency to label it as bad PR, much the way Enron's ex-CFO Andrew Fastow practiced "bad accounting" and landed in a U.S. jail for 10 years.

Any communications professional worth his or her salt will tell you that Tiger waited WAY TOO LONG to talk. And now that he finally did speak out – conducting a one-way "media conference" – we can also tell you that he accomplished nothing. As a result, when Tiger finally does make his way back onto a golf course, fully expect an exceptionally brutal and slightly uncomfortable reception from fans and media alike. I believe this goes to one of Buddha's Four Noble Truths:

Samudaya: There is a cause for suffering.

I truly hope that Tiger gets his life together. I hope he can prove himself to be a worthy husband, father and son. And I hope he finds his way back to the golf course and still has his game.

I also hope everyone realizes this is not PR.

Who is Arthur Okun... and Why Should I Care?

2010-02-18T09:20:00.004-05:00

Lists are great. They help us focus on what's really important instead of getting lost in a sea of data. And for those of us with attention deficit disorder, they allow us to latch on to the essence of things and forgive us for forgetting the nasty details where the devil lives.

Having spent most, though not all of my life in Cleveland, I was thrilled to hear while on my drive into work this morning that in addition to adding Antawn Jamison to the Cavs roster, we topped another list: The Most Miserable U.S. City.

According to Forbes, "The widely tracked Misery Index initiated by economist Arthur Okun, which combines unemployment and inflation rates started 2009 at 7.3 and rose to 12.7 by the end of the year thanks to soaring joblessness. That is the highest level since 1983."

Apparently we edged out Stockton, CA for the top spot honor. Take that. In the words of Shaq, "Hey Stockton, tell me how my a** tastes." Next in line was Memphis, Detroit and Flint. Chicago and New York are also in the top 20. It's a veritable Who's Who of misery.

In case you are wondering, Arthur Okun is dead. And as Ben Linus says in LOST, "Dead is dead." But his legacy lives on. In the world of economics, Arthur Okun was the man. He had a brilliant education, a stellar career and a lot of great ideas, like Okun's Law and his supply-side theory of the "leaky bucket".

But I am pretty confident that his renown as the Father of the Misery Index is not something he would be terribly proud of; at least not the way it is being used. I am almost positive, though I never met the man, he had no intention of having Cleveland, Chicago and New York make national headlines as America's Most Miserable Cities.

I know that Americans love their lists, and I also know that misery loves company. But with all due deference to Forbes, Arthur Okun and David Letterman, I am absolutely certain this is one list we can all do without.

Signs We Might Be In Danger.

2010-02-11T09:05:00.004-05:00

As I read the headlines in the New York Times this morning, my head began to shake left-to-right, then it began rattling uncontrollably until it finally popped off. What in the world is going on out there? Have we lost our sensibilities? Have we lost our way?

I am no expert (as many will attest), but I am pretty darn sure there is something wrong in the world when:

in the middle of a recession caused by the banking industry, the head of Wells Fargo, John Stumpf, receives an annual salary of $18.7 million.

the best opportunity American motor companies have to increase sales is to offer consumers $1,000 discounts on Toyota trade-ins.

10 years (and billions of dollars) after serious discussion began on the issue of global warming (climate-change), there remains no consensus and no action.

one of the federal government's more successful and popular programs is food stamps.

the President's wife has to mount a national campaign to let parents know their children are obese.

Maybe it's just me, but this sound very much like what my dad often referred to as "going the hell in a hand basket." It reminds me of something from you youth...

The Robot: Warning! Warning! Alien spacecraft approaching!
Dr. Smith: We're doomed... Crepes suzette!

This Valentine's Day, Give Them a Heart Attack

2010-02-04T11:15:00.003-05:00

Among my favorite and most vivid schoolboy memories is Valentine's day. With barely an effort I can still conjure up the fresh smell of chalk and chocolate, and the joyful sounds of giggling girls and tortured boys as we all sorted through and passed out our Valentine cards.

Sure, it was a holiday created and perpetuated by the greeting card companies, but who cares? We got cards from pretty girls and candy from loving parents, and everyone, everywhere seemed happy and dare I say, in love.

But that was then and this is now.

The greeting card industry lost control of this holiday about two decades ago, when the floral industry and the candy industry and the alcohol industry and the restaurant industry and all the other sweetheart industries found a loophole in the "love" rule.

And what was once a beautiful and innocent day of swooning and smooching is now an ugly example of what my dad used to call a businessman's holiday.

So I have to ask: what will you give (or get) this Valentine's day? Maybe a Vermont Teddy Bear or a lovely floral bouquet from 1-800-IMPERSONAL. Perhaps a sexy baby doll tap set from Pajamagram or a heart pendant from Tiffany & Co. Personally I am holding out for the Couples Massage gift certificate.

Or maybe I'll go Web 2.0 and send an e-card or just tweet my sweet.

Ugh.

Perhaps this year, regardless of what else we do or whatever goofy gift we decide on, we should all take a moment to look our loved ones in the eyes. Embrace your significant other, your children, your parents, whoever. Go nose to nose and just stare for a moment. Then tell them in no uncertain terms – with all the honesty and innocence you can muster up – I love you. I promise you, they won't know what hit them.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Purple Milkshakes.

2010-01-27T10:48:00.006-05:00

Life is full of choices.

Pepsi or Coke? Salad or pasta? Boxers or briefs? Compact or utility vehicle? Answer it or let it roll over? Go out or stay in? Take the over or the under? Call or send an e-mail? Drive or take a cab? Lots of choices.... a seemingly endless stream of choices.

The funny thing is, many of them – most of them – do not even register on a conscious level. Yet all of them have the potential to turn your life upside down. The right choice can put you in the right place at the right time. And the wrong choice can put you in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Life is funny that way.

The thing is, you rarely know until it is too late how the choice you made will turn out. So, the best you can do is raise your awareness and try harder to think just a little longer about the decisions you make. I mean really, how many times in life have you looked back and admitted: "I knew this was going to happen." And yet you made the choice anyway.

Then you beat yourself up, focusing on those times when your choices have serious ramifications (usually bad ones). When the decision to go out instead of staying home leads to one too many drinks and a DUI. When the choice to order dessert instead of stopping after the main course leads to stomach pains and guilt pangs. When the choice to buy the off-brand HDTV for $499 instead of purchasing the proven brand for $699 leads to frustration when the picture dies two days after the warranty expires. I hate that.

Judgments are a bitch.

Mostly because we don't give ourselves enough credit for the good choices we make and pay way too much attention to the bad ones. All of which is compounded when those around us (friends, family, associates, employers, spouses) also pay way too much attention to our bad choices and not nearly enough to the good ones. And so it goes.

I recall a hot summer day from my youth when I made the decision to spend one of my hard-earned paperboy dollars on a jumbo, grape milkshake. The owner of the Kustard Kastle tried to talk me out of it. My best friend Bill tried to talk me out of it. Even the little voice in my head was trying to talk me out of it. But I was having none of it. I wanted that grape milkshake; the thought alone of purple ice cream had me captivated.

But after only one sip I knew I chose poorly. Or did I? Truth be told, I learned some valuable lessons that hot summer day; lessons I still remember 40 years later.

1. Listen to the advice of people you trust; they have your best interest at heart.
2. Don't waste hard earned money.
3. Give yourself a break when you make a mistake; you are human.
4. True friends will always stick by you, even when you screw up.
5. Never, ever order a purple milkshake.

The Human Spark

2010-01-21T09:56:00.003-05:00

The Detroit Free Press announced earlier this month that the government released a sobering jobs report indicating that the number of unemployed nationally rose by 632,000 people in the month of December to more than 11 million.

That's a lot of people, many of whom are experiencing serious repercussions.

According to a recent report in the Washington Business Journal, "Two recessions over the last decade have elevated the number of people living in poverty, with nearly half of the increase occurring in the suburbs of the nation’s biggest metropolitan areas, according to a report released Wednesday by the Brookings Institution."

People aren't just losing their jobs, they are losing their cars and their houses, even their families. It is a tragedy no less real or tangible than any other disaster.

Of course in the midst of all this, the single biggest unemployment story in the news is that of Conan O'Brien, who stands to lose the one job he dedicated his life to landing. And I really feel sorry for Conan to the extent that he is getting screwed. Of course, I have also enjoyed the comedy battle royale that has ensued over the past few weeks as Jimmy Kimmel and David Letterman and Jay and Conan ruthlessly bash the snot out of NBC. It is American entertainment at its finest.

And then you remember the 11 million unemployed. The fortunate ones are collecting unemployment, which barely covers even the most basic needs, while the others have nothing but charity to fall back on. Meanwhile Conan stands to - at worst - collect $30+ million while waiting for his next gig.

All of which brings me back, once again, to that PBS special featuring Alan Alda in search of the human spark. Earlier this week, Alan Alda discovered how babies pick cooperative puppets over those that won't play. The general conclusion being that it is in our nature - even from the earliest stages of life - to prefer people who are helpful over people who are not. Something inside us is drawn to good.

So despite all the unemployment and the havoc it is wreaking. And despite the fiasco at NBC. There is reason to be optimistic and dare I say, hopeful. Because it turns out the nature of human uniqueness involves empathy and cooperation.

And that is a good thing.

American Idol = Idol Americans

2010-01-14T09:56:00.003-05:00

More than 30 million Americans sat home on Monday to watch American Idol's two-hour premier. That is a lot of 18-49 year olds who you would think could find better things to do with their time than watch TV... like surf the net or text or tweet or work out at the gym as part of their 2010 resolution.

Or maybe - just maybe - they were doing all of those things at the same time. We are after all a multi-tasking society of obese consumers who love to watch train wrecks and be the first to break news (General Larry Platt).

And, oh yeah, I was one of them. I spent a good 90 minutes in front of my TV last night, watching the beginning of General Larry Platt's career, while texting my niece and writing this blog entry.

What does this say about me and the other 29,999,999 Americans who tuned in? I do not know.

For sure we love to be entertained. We love watching average young (and old) Americans singing their hearts out for a chance at fame? And we also love peeping on the delusional misfits. And we can't wait to see what Simon is going to say or do next.

Meanwhile, just a few stations down the dial, the Public Broadcasting System has Alan Alda in an educational and intellectual discussion with scientists asking and attempting to answer the question: What is the nature of human uniqueness?

And for a moment I feel a twinge of guilt. Perhaps I should be watching PBS and supporting the cause. And then I realize that I am watching American Idol in pursuit of the answer to the same question.

Rock on General Larry Platt.

Maybe Translucent is Better than Transparent

2010-01-07T12:10:00.002-05:00

2009 was all about transparency – open communications and honest relationships. No more secrets in a world of social media; give us the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. After all, the truth will set us free.

Maybe not so much.

I read this morning in the Wall Street Journal that the new president of Procter & Gamble plans to introduce 30% more new products this year than last. That sounds like a lot to me; then I realized I don't know how many new products they launched last year, so...

Anyway, the story goes on to say "Among the planned introductions is a body wash that purports to fight wrinkles. P&G will roll out the product officially next month, adding it to Olay's Total Effects line of anti-aging face creams." P&G says it plans to promote the new body wash with print ads in the February and March issues of women's beauty and health magazines, as well as TV spots, betting that vanity will overcome the appeal of saving money. That sounds like a lot of marketing support to me; then I realized the Olay spokeswoman declined to say how much the company is spending on the campaign, so...

But I was intrigued about the new product. I mean of all the products in the P&G stable, why is this one so important? According to the WSJ story, the ads for the new body wash stress seven anti-aging claims, including that it improves skin elasticity, brightens dull skin and minimizes the appearance of dry lines. In other words, it helps consumers appear to look different from the way they really should look. Virginia Drosos, the company's president of global female beauty and grooming, says all Olay ads use the tagline, "Love the skin you're in." This sounds good until you realize that the products are designed to alter the skin you are in, which is the skin you theoretically love, so...

Still, you have to tip your hat to the experts at P&G who always seem to know exactly what consumers want. Then I read this assessment from Candace Corlett, president of consulting firm WSL Strategic Retail, explaining why finding fresh applications for existing brands is a strategy that risks confusing consumers. "When presented with so many choices, it's hard to understand why one is different than the other," says Corlett. "Or [shoppers] get to the shelf after they saw an Olay ad for a product, but can't remember exactly which one it was."

So, welcome to 2010, the year after the year of transparency, and the year I plan to refer to as the year of translucency, because I think it is a more transparent description.

Going Zen in 2010

2009-12-29T14:08:00.002-05:00

Over the holiday weekend I managed to catch about five minutes of A Christmas Carol on TV. It wasn't the classic movie starring Reginald Owen or even the 50s favorite starring Alastair Sim. And it wasn't the new Jim Carey animation. Instead it was the 1999 made-for-TV video starring Jean Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) as Ebenezer Scrooge.

Anyway, I have read the book numerous times and watched the movies even more often. But this time, I heard something that I do not ever recall hearing before. It was a rather simple line spoken by Scrooge himself, quoting his old boss - Fezziwig:

"Ebenezer, when happiness shows up, always give it a comfortable seat."

As we wrap up 2009 and finalize our plans for 2010, I wish this sentiment for all of you: When happiness shows up, always give it a comfortable seat.

As Scrooge suggests, "you have to be open to joy. If you are, it’s yours! If you aren’t, it won’t be found anywhere."

God bless us, every one.

Sometimes a Cigar is Not a Cigar.

2009-12-22T09:51:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time (in the early 1980s) I was an account executive with Burson-Marsteller/Chicago. One of my accounts was the National LP Gas Association and gas prices were soaring, which was good for the propane industry. So good in fact that Ford Motor Co. was retrofitting some of its vehicles with propane tanks and we (NLPGA and B-M) were holding a press conference on the south side of Chicago to watch the vehicles come off the assembly line. It was a big story for us, but the media was only mildly interested in attending... until a fire broke out at some factory along S. Torrence Avenue, just down the road from the Ford facility.

Suddenly there were media everywhere. And after they covered the fire, they came to watch our retrofitted vehicles roll off the assembly line. The resulting coverage was phenomenal, but you won't find any evidence of it in my professional portfolio. After all, if it were not for the fire, the media would not have come.

Anyway, this morning I read that Walgreens is pretty stoked that its focus on core consumer needs is paying off, with both sales and profits for the first quarter of its fiscal year hitting record levels. According to the story, "Some of the company's record results are directly linked to flu-fretting consumers: It [Walgreens] says it jabbed 5.4 million flu shots into consumers' arms in the quarter, up from 1.2 million last year."

The smoke made me think about the fire on South Torrence.

Walgreens' president and CEO Greg Wasson says the success of its flu shot campaign proves that "consumers across the country value the services of community pharmacists. Our center of gravity continues to be the community pharmacy." Wasson says it was the largest flu shot campaign in its history, and calls it "one of the best-executed initiatives in my 30 years at Walgreens."

Maybe. Or perhaps the endless barrage of media coverage warning consumers of the worst flu epidemic the world has experienced in a century had something to do with it. Maybe the five million people who came to Walgreens would have gone to Starbucks or even Macy's if they were giving out the shots.

In the words of Cindy Wang, "I'm just saying... give the fire a little credit."

Badda-BING

2009-12-15T16:14:00.004-05:00

So how's that $100 million advertising investment to launch Bing working out for you Microsoft? And what about that billion-dollar-a-year investment you are making in your Yahoo partnership?

Well, according to data from Experian Hitwise, as reported in ClickZ, Bing lost ground during the four-week-period leading up to and ending November 28, while Google continued to gain. Ouch.

According to the report, "Yahoo and Microsoft's Bing both experienced a decline, dropping 5 percent and 2 percent respectively." Google experienced an increase of one percentage point. Oh snap.

Of course experts and insiders are saying it is too early to determine whether these investments will pay off. According to eWeek: "Whether the Yahoo-Microsoft agreement, combined with new functionality for Bing, can drive up Microsoft’s U.S. search engine market share is a question that will only start to be answered later in 2010." Sure, sure, sure.

But it occurs to me that Microsoft may find itself between a rock and a hard place. For years, the company has grown and grown not just as a result of innovation, but also because of its ability to "embrace, extend and extinguish" the competition. But suddenly that approach isn't working anymore. Suddenly the competition - in this case Google - isn't quaking in its boots. Somehow this all seems so familiar...

Michael: My credit good enough to buy you out?
Moe Greene: Buy me out?
[Fredo laughs nervously]
Michael: The hotel, the casino. The Corleone Family wants to buy you out.
Moe Greene: The Corleone Family wants to buy me out? No, I buy you out, you don't buy me out.

A Marketing Initiative Worthy of Our Involvement

2009-12-09T16:03:00.004-05:00

Did you know more than 12.5 million children in the U.S. – 17% of kids and adolescents ages 2 to 19 – are overweight?

Did you know as they grow older, these overweight children and adolescents – our babies – are more likely to have risk factors associated with cardiovascular disease such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and Type 2 diabetes? Not to mention the emotional stress and psychological trauma.

Please help stop the madness.

Who lets their precious children eat themselves into sickness and death? Scratch that; who cares. Instead, "how can we help you to get your children into better health?" Because that is, after all, what this is all about.

Everyday we are bombarded with endless commercials and ads and promotions and events and videos that make fun of the issue and encourage us all to eat until we explode. And many of them are – by design – absolutely hilarious.

But there is nothing whatsoever funny about an overweight 12-year-old with diabetes. Or a 35-year-old who dies of heart failure.

Here are a few more facts to ponder from the Office of the Surgeon General:

Overweight adolescents have a 70 percent chance of becoming overweight or obese adults.
The number of overweight children has more than tripled over the past three decades.
Studies show that nearly 34 percent of children and teens in America are either overweight or at risk of becoming overweight.
Research has shown that parents are often their children’s most important role model. If children see their caregivers enjoying healthy foods and being physically active, they are more likely to do the same.

But there is good – maybe even great – news: This is not inevitable and it is not a losing battle.

To demonstrate, I salute the good folks at the Biggest Loser – the most real of all reality shows – for demonstrating not only the importance of healthy living, but the ability to take charge of life and overcome obesity.

Please get involved. Please reach out to an overweight family member or neighborhood child, or join a group or initiative. Please let them know they are loved. Please help save their lives.

Where's the Balloon Boy When You Need Him?

2009-12-03T11:04:00.002-05:00

Maybe we're all just tired from the Thanksgiving weekend followed by a five-day work week. Maybe the recession has us all in a funk. Maybe we're all just demented.

Regardless of the reason, Tiger Woods has suddenly captured the world's attention beyond anything he ever imagined on the golf course.

I have no desire to think about this, yet alone talk about it, so I will keep it short and sweet:

1. As my brother Kevin would say, "It is nunya," as in "nunya business."
2. In case you haven't noticed, Tiger is just a golfer; nothing more, nothing less.
3. In case you haven't noticed, we are still in a global recession.
4. In case you haven't noticed, our President has vowed to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan.
5. In case you haven't noticed, the holiday season (peace on Earth, good will toward men) is upon us.

I get the initial surprise of a little boy trapped in a balloon or an actor caught picking up a transvestite prostitute or a national leader having oral sex in the White House or a golfer driving his car into a fire hydrant. I get it. It is virtually impossible to not look into the sun during an eclipse. I get it.

But why do we insist on continuing to stare after the initial impulse? I don't get that.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad

Sometimes You Just Need to Press the Flesh

2009-11-24T10:29:00.002-05:00

With all due respect to social media, and despite the constant threat of H1N1, I plan to spend this Thanksgiving holiday weekend going mano a mano with human beings.

I plan to look deep into the eyes of family, friends and neighbors.

I plan to shake hands, pump fists, hug shoulders, kiss cheeks and pat heads.

I plan to talk and sing and laugh and maybe even cry.

I plan to get up close and personal.

I plan to sit with my loved ones and share a long meal.

I plan to drink a little wine and tell a few stories.

I plan to nod off on the couch while watching football with my son.

I plan to wake up and go for a walk with anyone who will join me.

I plan to think about my dad and all the relatives and friends who are no longer with us.

I plan to be thankful for this wonderful life I have.

Be be forewarned, I plan to be social without all the media - no texting, no iPhone video games, no tweeting, no Facebook posting, no blogging, no email, no photo-taking and no cell phone calling. So if you want to see me this weekend or talk to me or listen to me, you have to come and see me. In person.

You'll thank me later.

The Wind of Change is Blowing. Well, Something Blows.

2009-11-18T11:26:00.006-05:00

" 'Ello, 'ello, 'ello? Admiral's right: 'eavy weather brewin' at Number 17, and no mistake!"

-Burt (Mary Poppins)

As you read this post, the FDA is actively taking testimony from leading Web companies and pharmaceutical interests about what they'd like to see in "a brave new world of digital drug ads."

According to a Los Angeles Times story, "we're going to need an entirely new FDA division dedicated solely to surfing the Web and policing all that digital content -- and that won't be cheap." The story goes on to say: "It will be up to federal officials to strike the right balance between digital commerce and keeping people safe."

Speaking only for myself, these ideas - leaving it up to the Feds and creating a new FDA division - do not get me excited, unless by excited you mean scare me half to death. And it frustrates me to think, are we really so uncontrollable as an industry? Are we so driven by greed that we will take the chance of letting the government step in?

The answer of course is yes. Greed continues to fuel our nation's economy. Just check the latest numbers on the bonuses Goldman Sachs is awarding to its employees; they have already set aside $16 billion for staff bonuses and expect to add another $7 billion before the end of the year. Meanwhile, they expect us to be overjoyed by the $500 million initiative to help small businesses directly and through universities. Here's an idea, keep the $500 million for bonuses and invest the $23 billion in small businesses.

Yeah, right.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, CNN is reporting that "three marketing firms and hundreds of their online partners made more than $1.4 billion using misleading sales tactics, according to a report issued Tuesday by Senate Commerce Committee Chairman John D. Rockefeller IV (D., W.Va.)." According to the report: "The three [online marketing] firms previously have settled lawsuits brought by consumers or by states on behalf of consumers, and recently made changes to their marketing practices. Lawmakers suggested that may not be enough and that legislation may be needed."

Awesome. More government intervention. More laws and regulations. Apparently the World Wide Web, much like the Wild, Wild West will require Federal troops to get tamed. Wouldn't it be nice if we could clean up our own mess and self-regulate instead of pushing the limits and forcing the government to step in? LOL, I'm so funny.

"I'd like to make one thing quite clear: I never explain anything."

-Mary Poppins

2010 Marketing: Go Cheap or Go Home?

2009-11-11T10:58:00.004-05:00

For as long as I can remember, publicity (a primary tool in the public relations toolbox) has been positioned and/or referred to as an efficient, if not inexpensive way to promote a product or service or organization or person.

In fact, this common misconception has led to the popularization of the term "free publicity." To illustrate, I conducted a quick Google search of the term and found endless references, such as these recent news stories:

Associated Press (Nov. 10):

"Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2," almost certain to be the year's best-selling video game, has also become its most notorious. That's because of a prerelease leak showing a terrorist raid on an airport — exactly the sort of thing that's guaranteed to rile up anti-violence watchdogs and generate free publicity.

NBC New York (Nov. 10):

Calvin Klein's latest racy billboard in SoHo is stopping traffic, raising eyebrows and again earning the designer a little free publicity.

Detroit News (Nov. 5):

Fox News Channel is on a roll. A smackdown with the White House has handed the cable news network loads of free publicity, as well as raw meat for its commentators.

Well you get the idea, but it is most definitely the wrong idea. In point of fact, it is an idiotic idea perpetuated by morons who just do not understand the business. As my father often warned me, there is no such thing as a free lunch... and there is no such thing as free publicity.

But that is not even the point of this post. Because I am hyper sensitive to the idea of doing anything on the cheap (I am a big believer in the philosophy that we get what we pay for) my attention is always attracted to the mention of all things free, cheap and low-cost. And guess what I've been hearing a lot about lately? In the world of marketing, the new "free publicity" is social media.

Cape Cod News (Nov. 10):

It doesn't hurt that social media offer a very low-cost way of getting a message out. "We're kind of making it into a shining example of how to do a thing like this on zero budget," said Beth Dunn, a Massachusetts-based marketing consultant.

Restaurants & Institutions Magazine (Oct. 09):

Given its low cost of use compared with traditional marketing vehicles such as print, television and radio, social-media marketing can be a good fit for foodservice operations of all sizes, whether the goal is to drive traffic and sales or strengthen brand awareness and loyalty.

Mashable (Nov. 5):

Facebook offers exceptional, low cost marketing opportunities for small business.

Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada and on and on.

If you are looking for quality work that leads to quality results, you will find that social media marketing, like publicity, is neither free nor low-cost. It can be affordable and it most definitely can be valuable, but if it is advertised as cheap, I suggest you run - not walk - from the marketer selling you this line of bull stuff.

If I Were A Client...

2009-11-04T12:25:00.003-05:00

You know that Beyonce song, "If I were a boy"?

Anyway, I've been thinking a lot lately about clients and the decisions they make, as well as the decisions they don't make. Having been on the agency side my entire career tends to put me at a disadvantage when it comes to understanding what goes on behind closed doors on the client side. On the other hand, having worked with hundreds of clients in dozens of industries in markets around the globe has also given me a very unique perspective.

Naturally what I am most interested in knowing is what compels a client to hire one agency over another or to not hire an agency when they really need one or to hire an agency when they really don't need one. These are things I am more than curious about, but not yet obsessed with; I want to get to the bottom of them, but I can still sleep just fine at night if I do not know the answers.

In an effort to get at the answers in a scientific way, we (Sweeney) are planning to conduct a formal survey among marketing professionals who are responsible for making such decisions. I promise to make all the results public (even to other agencies) upon completion.

In the meantime, I wanted to share the perspective of one corporate marketing professional whose opinion I respect more highly than most. His background is balanced and impeccable, having worked on both the agency and the corporate side... having worked with the world's smallest and largest marketing agencies... having worked with local, national and international corporations... and having worked with consumer, business, industrial and institutional clients.

During a recent conversation, I wondered aloud what agencies should communicate to prospective clients, not feeling entirely certain about what clients want. Here is his response:

I loathe agencies telling me how wacky and fun and creative they are. I don't care. What I care about is your ability to solve my problem. And the ability to do it well and on time and on budget. I don't care that you have a pool table in the creative department.

[For the record, Sweeney does not own a pool table or a ping pong table or a foosball table or a pinball machine or a climbing wall. Any pictures you may have seen of me or my employees in a ball pit were clearly taken at Chuck E. Cheese during normal lunch hours.]

PR is dead, long live PR.

2009-10-27T12:22:00.005-04:00

I was watching the Antique Roadshow on PBS last night and saw the most unusual early 20th century invention. It was a heat-powered house fan. For real. There was a kerosene lamp at the base of a fan that was lit and emitted heat through a series of turbines that powered the fan to begin rotating and cool the room. Who knew?

Unfortunately, as the antique expert explained, electricity was the undoing of the heat-powered fan. And so it goes. Something new always unseats something else. It's kind of like they say in that Semisonic song: Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

A recent Ad Age article reports such a shift:

As the body count of magazines and daily newspapers continues to rise and the once-robust news and feature holes of surviving publications shrink along with reporting staffs, some marketers have given up on the traditional path to media coverage: pitching journalists.

Kind of makes you feel like the world (or at least an industry) is coming to an end. Lots of doom and gloom, as Sam Lucas, chair of U.S. brand marketing at WPP's Burson-Marsteller concludes: "The traditional one-way media model has definitely had its day."

This, of course, led to some dramatic retorts from some very defensive PR people, which in turn led me to offer my own public response:

'Goodness gracious me!' said Henny-penny; 'the sky's a-going to fall; I must go and tell the king.'

My goodness indeed. Unless you have been living in a cave, "Public Relations" stopped being "press agentry" about four decades ago. Even the least sophisticated shops have offered a diversified mix of services, ranging from trade show marketing and customer events to direct marketing and yes, publicity. And I am pretty sure we all noticed the Internet thing about a decade and a half ago (thank you Al Gore).

Our business (PR) has always been and will continue to be a dynamic and evolving industry. The sky is not a-falling, so take a deep breath and just relax.

The Problem with Marketing Today.

2009-10-22T12:05:00.002-04:00

WARNING: THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

So, a woman goes onto a medical discussion group on the Internet and asks all the participating group members the following question:

"Can anyone suggest the best way to spend my health care dollars to relieve crippling back pain?"

Within minutes, the following answers appear in the discussion room:

John Doe, Chief Acupuncturist replies:
You need acupuncture.

Jane Smith, VP of Sales with Johnson's Massotherapy replies:
You need a back massage.

Doctor Vinnie Goomba, Surgeon replies:
You may need surgery; we'll take an X-ray.

Alice Jones, Director of Marketing with Osgood Orthotics says:
You need special inserts for your shoes.

Hank Witherspoon, manager with Professional Office Supplies replies:
You need an ergonomically designed desk chair.

Franco DeLupi, personal trainer replies:
You need to exercise.

Artie McSmarty, dietitian and nutritionist says:
You need to eat better and lose a few pounds.

Bob Jones, DrugStuff Pharmacist replies:
Take Aleve or Advil and apply a heating pad (aisle 4).

Lucy Alluette, Yoga Instructor replies:
Yoga will relieve your stress an stretch your muscles.

And on and on and on...

Of course, any one of these replies could work. Or, depending upon the patient's actual medical condition, could kill her. Yes, I said it, kill her. Fortunately, no one would allow random people to offer medical advice over the Internet without a flashing sign that reads: THIS SITE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ADVICE OFFERED BY MEMBERS OF THIS GROUP; WE ENCOURAGE YOU TO SEEK ACTUAL MEDICAL CARE.

But "Marketing" is a whole other matter. Earlier today I received a discussion alert from a marketing group on LinkedIn. The question posted was this:

"Can anyone suggest the best areas to spend marketing budgets in difficult times such as these?"

A total of 39 comments have been posted so far. Amazingly, every single reply is more useless than the preceding reply. "Use SEO," says the SEO marketer. "No, use trade shows," says the trade show marketer. "Forget all of that and invest in experiential marketing," says the experiential marketer. "No way, you need to get involved in social networking," says the social marketer.

Do you see the trend here? Every response is self-serving and pointless. No one is asking about objectives and target audiences and priorities and opportunities and challenges. No one is asking anything. Instead, everyone is out there pimping their services, slamming their business card on LinkedIn like a billboard along the freeway.

Okay, well I am getting really flustered, so please allow my to clarify my thinking and sum this up with three key points:

Don't ruin social media with stupidity.
The solution to problems may be and probably is something other than what you specialize in.
Lead with research and strategic planning, and follow with tactical implementation.

Adjust Search To Seasons, Cycles and Situations

2009-10-09T15:28:00.003-04:00

Whether you are managing a pay-per-click campaign, optimizing a news release, launching a blogger relations campaign or any other of a dozen things to improve search and drive more traffic, be sure to make adjustments for the seasons, cycles and situations that impact on visitor behavior.

The Seasons

Children, adults, the elderly... consumers, businesspeople, government employees... men, women, transvestites... Catholics, Jews, Muslims... we are all subject to the changing seasons. The shifts in weather patterns we refer to as spring, summer fall and winter... the comings and goings of holidays, like Christmas and New Year and Independence Day... the taking of vacation time from school or work or retirement... the experience of longer days and longer nights thanks to the solstice.

As a marketer it is critical to understand the seasons, how they impact on business and how to communicate accordingly. Even the most subtle adjustments in messaging or communication or placement can amount to millions of dollars in increased (or lost) revenues. Likewise, it is important - if not critical - to understand that people change their search behavior in accordance with the seasons. There is a sudden increase in searches for boots and thermal underwear in the winter and for boogie boards and sun tan lotion in the summer. Are you adjusting your SEO and SEM accordingly?

As most corn farmers will tell you, the secret to a bumper crop is to plant the right variety at the right time – not too early and not too late.

The Cycles

At the moment, most of the globe is in a down economic cycle. As a result, consumers and businesses alike are more sensitive than usual to "price" and "value" messages. And they are more likely to get those messages while searching for deals – in newspapers and magazines and catalogs and on the Internet.

We are also in a green cycle right now. The world-at-large (except for China and the U.S.) is very concerned about the environment. So we now search for natural cleaners and organic foods and eco-friendly paints and sustainable production techniques.

By their very nature, most cycles repeat themselves, though the frequency often varies and some eventually just end. Some cycles are epic and some are subtle and short-lived. Regardless, you should take full advantage of the opportunities they provide for you as a marketer to tailor your search activities.

The Situations

Okay, so now this get a little bit tricky. What constitutes a situation that is important enough and enduring enough that it warrants your attention, yet is neither seasonal nor cyclical?

How about H1N1? According to the most recent report from ClickZ, the top search terms during September 2009 under the pharmaceutical and medical products category was "flu symptoms." In all likelihood, flu-related searches will continue through the spring - all around the world.

Al Gore says we have pushed our planet into a "climate change" situation that we may not be able to escape from. It is getting warmer and the ice caps are melting and the ocean's are getting watered down and rising. Cats and dogs are sleeping together. Mass hysteria. And suddenly people and businesses all around the planet are becoming sensitive to the ozone.

Like cycles, some situations last a long time, while others come and go quickly. As a marketer you need to be attuned to these situations and react accordingly - not simply to "take advantage" of the situation, but to communicate your ability to help the marketplace deal with the situation.

The Bottomline

As my favorite boss Ellen McConnell often told me: No matter how much you've done, there is always one more thing to do. Search is no exception to Ellen's rule.

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other.

2009-10-09T09:37:00.003-04:00

Welcome one and all to the Open Innovation Virtual Network sponsored by The Clorox Company.

It is a site that welcomes one and all – young and old, amateur and professional – to gather under under the Clorox big top to share ideas in the "hopes of finding experts in the industry we can partner with to bring new and innovative products to the market. It is our hope that here you'll not only be able to interact with us, but that you'll also be able to find solutions and partnerships that are crucial for the success of your own businesses and careers."

Now by nature I am a bit of a skeptical guy. Some might even say jaded. Whatever.

So I spent a little time on this new social networking site and was immediately struck by two thoughts:

1. This is a smart idea.
2. Why is everyone talking about food?

I know Clorox. Clorox is a friend of mine. Clorox does not market foods.

Turns out I am wrong. Turns out Clorox owns the Hidden Vally brand of salad dressings and dips, and the KC Masterpiece line of sauces, marinades and seasonings. Clorox... the bleach company. Apparently when I wasn't looking they diversified well beyond the cleaning products category and into the food category. How did I miss that?

It's all a bit odd. Out of the 24 consumer brands Clorox lists on its website, only these two are food related (unless you count Kingsford Charcoal). The rest are bleach and drain cleaners and tile cleaners and kitty litter and water filtration.

And then I was struck by another thought: These guys at Clorox are very clever. Think about how they managed (in less than 24 months) to shift their reputation as the leading maker of high performance cleaning products that are anything but environmentally friendly, to one of the industry's leading manufacturers of natural cleaning products.

I will be completely honest, when Clorox first announced Green Works I was certain the marketplace would not accept the obvious contradiction. But I was wrong. Clorox came to the marketplace with a winning strategy – offer a product that was natural AND powerful, and promote the hell out of it. And it worked.

Which brings me back to the Open Innovation Hub. Clorox is inviting the world – indeed, challenging them – to share ideas and information. And there are already more than 100 members sharing away. And a lot of them are talking about food. In fact, "food" is one of 10 dedicated forum categories (which happen to align with all of Clorox's product categories).

And while my instinct is to conclude that this social network experiment will not work, I am actually pretty sure it will. And for the second day in a row I am tipping my hat to an organization willing to innovate and take risks.

Congratulations Clorox. May the force and the food be with you

Left 4 Dead. Left Scratching My Head.

2009-10-07T12:02:00.003-04:00

By all accounts, Left 4 Dead (L4D) was/is one of the most popular Zombie video games on the market. Compared to previous games created by producer Valve, it was a clear hit.

So, expectations for L4D2 are high. After all, sequels to popular video games are like sequels to Arnold Schwarzenegger films - they are always successful. Add to this the fact that Zombieland (the movie) is off to a fast start, taking the top spot in North America this past weekend with nearly $25 million in ticket sales.

Interestingly enough, that is the same number Valve plans to invest to market its new video game. Yes, that's right, Valve will spend 25 freaking million dollars to launch L4D2! Coincidence? Maybe. But then again, maybe not.

Compared to the $10 million they spent to launch the original, this sounds like a lot of money. But consider the possibilities. If opening weekend sales for Zombieland in North America were $25 million, imagine the potential for international sales of L4D2 over the course of the next three months (including the holiday season).

But really, is this huge investment in marketing necessary or even prudent? According Valve's VP of Marketing, "pre-orders for the game are the highest the company has ever seen for one of its titles." So why invest in a venture that is already bound to succeed?

Why not? What about the increased sales? What about the merchandising? What about the increased awareness and branding? The potential ROI is mind-boggling.

In fact, when all is said and done, assuming L4D2 is anywhere close to as good as the original, Valve may look back and wonder why it didn't invest even more money.

Of course we have no idea how they plan to spend that money. It is possible they will use it wisely and it is possible they will waste it. We'll see.

In the meantime, I tip my hat to the company with courage the size of grapefruits.

Carpe diem... or die trying.

Serenity Now.

2009-09-28T13:49:00.004-04:00

Recently I have come under attack for my iPhone addiction. "He never puts his phone down; it's become an extension of his hand."

Interestingly enough, until I purchased the iPhone, I never even carried a cell phone. I hated the distraction and resented its intrusion into my private life. But the iPhone isn't a cell phone, it is a lifeline. It doesn't bind me, it frees me. So here goes:

My name is Jim, and I am an iPhone addict. I have been addicted for nearly a year.

Phew, I feel better just saying that. For me, it is all about the connection and utility. I am constantly in touch with the people I care about – by voice, text and photo/video. And I am constantly engaged in educational and/or entertainment utilities – news apps, game apps, reference apps, learning apps, music apps, lifestyle apps, business apps, e-commerce apps, social networking apps and silly toy apps.

And the best part? Almost all the apps I use and love are free. The Associated Press, The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, ABC News, The Weather Channel, The Sporting News, ESPN Sports Center... they are all free. Instant Messaging, Twitter, Safari, Google, Skype... all free. Maps, Stocks, Contacts, Notes, Google Earth, Clock, Calendar, Calculator, Thesaurus, LogYourRun... free. YouTube, iTunes, iPod, Pandora, iHeartRadio, AOL Radio, NPR, Shazam... free. Word Warp, Word Ace, Hangman, TicTacFree, Pac-Man, Solitaire, DoodleBuddy... no charge. Text, Phone, E-Mail, Camera, Voice Memos, TV Guide... standard. And there is more.

Talk about disruptive innovation, this baby is the poster child.

Of course, one can pay as much as $1000 for an app. But to date, I have not spent a dime. Apparently I am in the early stages of my addiction... or I am simply cheap.

One thing that is certain: I am a shameless and unrepentant shill for the iPhone. It's not perfect – reception could be better (thank you AT&T), the screen gets smudged too easily (and I am OC about that) and it has turned haters against me (mostly jealous people) – but until something better comes along, this is as good as it gets.

Serenity now. Insanity later.

Please Excuse This Commercial Disruption.

2009-09-23T14:09:00.004-04:00

Clayton Christensen coined the term "Disruptive Innovation" more than a decade ago to describe the process whereby a new product or service takes root and displaces its established competitors (cell phones disrupting fixed line phones for example). Get it? It's an innovation that disrupts.

However, the process of disruptive innovation has been around for as long as the planet itself. It is a kind of intelligent or human evolution (think speciation). Except with disruptive innovation, we are talking about products or services created by humans.

It is, to say the least, an interesting concept. After all, who doesn't want to create a new product or service that displaces an already popular product or service. Consider the profit potential. There's just one hitch, you can plan disruptive innovation, but you have no way of knowing if it will work. There are just too many random variables that can impact on your plan. On the flip side, the U.S. Patent Office is filled with innovations designed to disrupt and displace, but that never made it beyond the planning stages.

Disruptive innovation references a natural progressive evolution. Take the Internet for example, which has succeeded in disrupting and displacing dozens of products and technologies and changing the world in the process. When Al Gore created the Internet back in the late 1960s, it connected only a handful of computers. At the time, no one envisioned or predicted its eventual impact... anymore than they could have foreseen the popularity of Pet Rocks in the mid-70s or of Beanie Babies in the early 90s.

These are things that happen and that people recognize after the fact.

The idea of building a better mouse trap and having the world beat a path to your door is nearly a century old (See Ralph Waldo Emerson) and alludes to two critical disruptive innovation points:

1. If your mouse trap is better (innovative)...
2. Then there must already be a mouse trap that you are planning to displace (disruptive).

And the assumption is "because your mouse trap is better, the world will embrace it."

Yeah. Tell that to Howard Hughes and his Spruce Goose. Or to Dean Kamen and his Segway. Or to Steven Jobs and his NeXT Computer. Or Bill Gates and his Windows ME software. Despite being among the greatest innovators of the 20th century, they often got it wrong.

So, here it is: Innovation – in and of itself – is a laudable goal and endeavor. And if the innovation happens to disrupt the marketplace, then all the better, as it is obviously something the marketplace has been waiting for.

But if you are expending energy hoping to predict or event create the next disruptive idea (in the words of Pinky and the Brain: to take over the world), you might be better served dropping quarters into a slot machine at the Mirage. The odds of winning are better and the drinks are free.

The American Dream vs. The American Scheme.

2009-09-16T10:45:00.003-04:00

In "An American Tail", Papa Mousekewitz shares with his wife the wonders and promise of America:

Papa Mousekewitz: In America, there are mouse holes in every wall.
Mama Mousekewitz: Who says?
Papa Mousekewitz: Everyone. In America, there are bread crumbs on every floor.
Mama Mousekewitz: You're talking nonsense!
Papa Mousekewitz: In America, you can say anything you want, but most important - and this I know for a fact - in America, there are no cats.

But as we all know, there are cats in America, and the streets are not paved with cheese. However, the freedom and opportunity to pursue one's dreams – whatever they are – remain the cornerstone of our great nation.

Unfortunately there are some in America (and always have been) who could fairly be accused of pursuing their dreams via schemes.

USA Today reported this morning that the Goldman Sachs pursuit of the American dream is raising eyebrows:

Goldman's profits stand in sharp contrast to what the rest of the country is facing, hobbled with hundreds of thousands of job losses each month and hundreds of businesses shuttering on Main Street. Goldman also set aside $11.4 billion in the first half of this year for compensation and benefits for its employees, a 33% increase from last year. At a time when there has been intense focus on bankers' compensation, including congressional hearings, Goldman's decision has been hard to swallow on Main Street.

On the one hand, this seems mighty glutenous. On the other hand – and in complete fairness to Goldman – it was one of the first investment firms to reimburse the government in full, paying back the $10 billion it had borrowed, plus interest.

So, what's really at play here? Clearly, Goldman Sachs - at least under the reign of CEO Lloyd Blankfein - is no Bailey Building & Loan Association. But neither is Blankfein Mr. Henry F. Potter. In point of fact, one might suggest that he is a poster child of the American dream; the son of a postal worker who attended public school, made good and grabbed hold of the brass ring.

Perhaps the real problem is that we are no longer living in Frank Capra's America, whose films tout the basic goodness of human nature and show the value of unselfishness and hard work. According to one source, "His wholesome, feel-good themes have led some to call his Capra-corn, but those who hold his vision in high regard prefer the term Capraesque."

Regardless, it is clear we're not living in Bedford Falls any longer, and we are painfully aware the streets of America are not paved with cheese... or gold. But isn't it possible for this story to still have a happy ending?

If Tony Mousekewitz and George Bailey can figure it out, perhaps the rest of us can too. In the words of Clarence Oddbody (Angel Second Class), "Each man's life touches so many other lives." Perhaps for just one day we can all set aside our goals for world domination and lend a helping hand to someone in need.

What's the worst that could happen?

We're Gonna Need a Bigger Healthcare Plan.

2009-09-05T21:40:00.004-04:00

According to a new survey from Mintel, most Americans think they are healthier than they actually are. Or looked at from a different point-of-view, most Americans are not as healthy as they think they are.

For example, the CDC says more than two-thirds (67%) of Americans suffer from or have been diagnosed as obese or overweight (a primary cause of many health issues). Yet only 25% of the survey respondents say they fall into either of these categories. Mintel calculated the body mass index (BMI) of survey respondents for a separate report on obesity and confirmed the CDC's findings that 65 percent of people are overweight or obese.

There are a couple of possible explanations:

1. A lot of overweight or obese Americans are in denial.

2. Overweight or obese Americans have much higher self-esteem than might be expected.

3. There is some disagreement about what constitutes "overweight or obese."

Of course, obesity is not our only problem. The leading causes of death in America - heart disease, cancer, stroke, chronic lower respiratory diseases, accidents, diabetes, alzheimers and the flu - are brought about by faulty genes, bad driving, drug overdoses, tobacco inhalation, overdrinking alcohol, slipping in the bathtub, leading a sedentary lifestyle and hundreds of other actions.

And unfortunately a huge number of Americans with these medical conditions (causes of death) are not properly (if ever) treated because they either don't have insurance or their insurance is inadequate to cover medical care costs. Depending upon who you believe, the numbers are anywhere between 20 and 100 million uninsured Americans at any given time.

I would like to suggest - avoiding the insurance issue for the moment - that what America really needs is a National Well & Fitness Plan that actually treats the cause and not the symptoms of our crisis by helping us to get educated, exercise more, eat smarter and live healthier. At the foundation of my NWF Plan is a FREE membership in government-approved fitness centers. Of course there are strings attached to this voluntary program:

• Mandatory initial and annual health screening and stress test conducted by a physician (documenting statistics and health issues) as a precursor to using the membership.
• Mandatory nutritional education by a licensed dietician, requiring participants to commit themselves to healthier shopping, cooking and eating. Also a precursor to using the membership.
• Mandatory, monthly health and fitness programming by a certified physical trainer as an ongoing requirement of using the membership.

Now, I know what your thinking: "If all Americans simply inflated their tires properly and took their cars for regular tune-ups, they could save as much oil as new offshore drilling would produce..."

Frankly, I don't care. Consider for just a moment that if just 5% of Americans took advantage of this government-sponsored program and they all got healthier, we would have more than 16 million people who would be less reliant on health care and, therefore, insurance.

And just in case you think I am eating too many Cheetos, remember that more is spent on health care in the United States on a per capita basis than in any other nation in the world. So if the cost for health care per person is more than $7,500 (and it is) and each one of my 16 million healthier Americans now requires a thousand dollars less in health care services, then my new NWF Plan saved quite a few dollars, didn't it?

How Exactly Is This a PR Crisis?

2009-08-24T16:38:00.002-04:00

Okay, so the CEO of Whole Foods recently spoke his mind in the Wall Street Journal about the proposed healthcare reforms. Blah, blah, blah. And now customers are up in arms – protesting and picketing and boycotting and twittering and joining Facebook pages. Blah, blah, blah.

Apparently John Mackey had the audacity to remind Americans that healthcare is not a birthright. Agree or disagree, he still has the right to free speech. And so too do the customers and union members and anyone else who wants to pile on. Hey, this is still America, land of the free, home of the brave. Everyone has rights.

But how in the name of the Liberty Bell is this a "PR Crisis"?

According to BBC News:

Seemingly caught off-guard by the unfolding PR crisis, Whole Foods sought to distance itself from its chief executive's comments.

"We've had a lot of emails and phone calls and people coming into our stores to talk about it," said Libba Letton, spokeswoman for Whole Foods. "Our top priority is addressing their concerns."

But public relations experts criticised the store for bungling its response.

"You have two choices: you either take a proactive approach and wade right in and sort it out or you sit back and wait," said Erica Iacono, executive editor of industry magazine PR Week. "The company seems to be taking a wait and see approach and hoping it goes away. It's a mistake."

By the way, not to accuse the BBC of being sensational, but Erica Iacono is the only "PR expert" referenced in the story. And nothing personal, but how exactly is Erica Iacono an expert on this matter?

Regardless, none of that matters. In fact, none of any of this should matter.

Mackey spoke his mind and now the marketplace is speaking its mind and the chips will fall where they will. I mean really, what do the protestors and the twitterers expect? Do you want Mackey to recant? And if he does, will those words be "real" or calculated? And then you have to ask yourself what you really want: the truth or something else?

When You Think Retail, Think John F. Geisse.

2009-08-18T16:01:00.005-04:00

We know Sam Walton. We respect Jim Sinegal. We admire Sol Price. But there was another retail giant – a true pioneer – who is too often forgotten or overlooked in today's crowded marketplace: John F. Geisse. To know John Geisse is to love him.

Father of 10, dutiful husband to wife Mary, hardworking man, devoted citizen. That is John Geisse. Of course he also founded and launched the Target stores, the Venture chain and The Wholesale Club (which was sold in 1991 to his friend Sam Walton and became Sam's Club).

In as much as I helped write John's obituary, I could tell you a good portion of the story of his life, but I prefer to focus instead on a single chapter - the chapter I know best - The Wholesale Club years.

I first Met John Geisse and his son Tom when they visited Cleveland in 1982 to discuss the opening of their second membership warehouse club and their first unit in Ohio. They were looking for an agency to help them make connections and build awareness and generate traffic. But really, John was just looking for someone he could trust.

Somehow our paths crossed. I was only 26 at the time and John was barely 60, though he had more energy on his worst day than I had on my best. John Geisse was full of life and it showed in our first meeting. As he revealed to a group of us what the membership warehouse concept was all about – a new retail idea formulated by Sol Price on the west coast – we were already drooling at the opportunity to be involved on the ground floor of a business that was sure to succeed.

And it wasn't that Mr. Geisse was so convincing, though he was, it was that he was so passionate, so invested, so involved. He loved the very idea of what he was doing. Having opened his first unit in Carmel earlier that year, he was ready to explode his idea across the Midwest. And sure enough, over the course of the next eight to nine years, we worked our way through Ohio, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin and Illinois, opening more than 30 100,000-square-foot membership warehouses. In less than a decade, John Geisse had created a billion-dollar business.

And John was there every step of the way. Scouting locations. Meeting with civic and business leaders. Meeting with the media. Meeting with prospective business members. Meeting with the community. Preaching the gospel of The Wholesale Club. But nothing was more important to John Geisse than his customers. He was a showman and a businessman creating a nationally recognized and respected retail operation. Still, he never took his eye off the prize.

I recall one particular grand opening, which John Geisse always presided over, like a pastor leading his flock. Shortly after the speeches and the ribbon-cutting, the doors were opened and the curious flooded into the store. John was giving a tour and interview to a reporter of the daily newspaper when he spotted out of the corner of his eye a new member attempting to remove a 20-pound box of detergent from an overhead shelf. John cut off the interview in mid-sentence and ran to the aid of the customer, never even bothering to introduce himself as an inductee of the Discount Hall of Fame or the founder of this company.

In truth, John Geisse never really cared so much for the accolade as he did the pure fun of making someone smile.

Sam Walton once said of John Geisse,"I have never known anyone else that I respected more for many things, including integrity, morality and the way he cared for his associates."

John Geisse died at the age of 71 nearly two decades ago. It was his illness that forced him to sell the business to Sam Walton, his close and trusted friend. I think of John Geisse often. He was more than a great man, he was a good man.

What Happens When Everyone Becomes a Shill?

2009-08-17T09:22:00.003-04:00

As bloggers and Twitterers become the new "celebrities" tapped by organizations to drive messages to the masses, when do they cross the line and become the very shills they once so willingly and joyfully persecuted?

Here's the answer: Immediately.

There is absolutely NO difference between bloggers, Twitterers or public relations professionals who for various reasons (cash, gifts, ego) represent a product manufacturer or service provider. And it happens every day.

Procter & Gamble does it all the time; bringing bloggers and Twitterers into its headquarters or hosting events and showering them with product samples... and more. Take this recent story from the New York Times...

"To harness the viral marketing of social media, Procter & Gamble sponsored an event last week before the BlogHer 2009 conference in Chicago to present its updated Swiffer Wet Jet cleaning mop, which will be shipped to stores around Aug. 1. The company was the title sponsor of the Swiffer SocialLuxe Lounge, billed as a pampering party. More than 500 BlogHer participants stopped by on Thursday afternoon, which offered makeovers, a blogging awards presentation and stations to recharge phones and hand-held devices."

Roche recently held a Diabetes Social Media Summit at its headquarters. The company flew about 30 bloggers into its Indianapolis headquarters for a day and a half long event. Rachel Baumgartel, a Diabetes blogger who did not make it, offered these thoughts:

"I admit it. I was invited. I chose not to go, mainly because of lack of vacation days after family obligations and BlogHer. A little part of me questioned the intentions of this pharmaceutical company and the money spent on such event. You see, I used to be an administrative assistant at a medical device manufacturer and was on a planning committee for a marketing tour for directors of nursing, purchasing managers, and other hospital administrators. I know how much money is spent on these type of events. Even with corporate cafeteria lunches, it's still a pretty penny - a pretty penny that should be used to bring down the cost of test strips."

Earlier this month, PepsiCo, parent company of the Mountain Dew soda brand, rented out a bowling alley to throw a "taste test" party for its new "Ultraviolet" diet soda. And the guest list had been amassed not for its red-carpet potential, but Twitter influence. Here, CNET reports:

"Not only do Twitter's uber-chatty twentysomethings want everyone to know exactly what they're doing at the trendiest bowling alley in Brooklyn's trendiest neighborhood, but their friends will probably listen -- they, after all, want to know what's going on.

And savvy brands have found that even if profits aren't clear-cut, they can use that Twitter buzz to keep up a loyal following -- even with a small base -- rather than to broadcast a brand's hashtag all over the Web and hope for profits."

Here's what Merriam-Webster says:

Main Entry: shill
Pronunciation: \ˈshil\
1 : to act as a shill
2 : to act as a spokesperson or promoter

Here's what Harry Chapin says:

And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then

Don't Guess. Test before You Invest.

2009-08-11T09:43:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I know, you've heard this a thousand times. But are you listening? Are you hearing?

Now more than ever – with the economy crimping budgets, the number of strategic options exponentially growing and the demand for measurable results ever increasing – testing is mandatory.

And yet...

Marketers continue to invest meaningful dollars into campaigns they are uncertain will work when they could just as easily test them first. Print advertising, radio advertising, TV advertising, online advertising, direct mail, e-mail, publicity, blogger relations, even trade shows and events – everything can and should be tested before diving headfirst into the water.

Because what worked yesterday, may not work today and may not work tomorrow. We are currently living and working in a period of unprecedented "media" change. Virtually every day brings a new channel, a new opportunity and another way to spend (and potentially throw away) money.

Consider your own experiences over the past year. Should our organization have a Facebook account? Can social media work in our B2B environment? Can we use Twitter to market our products? Is newspaper advertising a bad investment? Should our CEO write a blog? Do enough people follow traditional media to justify a publicity campaign? Can we still build brand with online advertising? If we do PPC, do we still need organic search? Are trade shows going the way of the dinosaurs?

And on and on and on. And the answer is: Yes, no, maybe.

For many organizations, budget limitations can severly hamper their ability to establish and maintain a truly diversified marketing mix (they can't do everything). For others, budget is not an issue at all. But for both, the quality of your investment will determine the value of your return.

There is a better way: Test first, act second.

I'm a living sunset
Lightning in my bones
Push me to the edge
But my will is stone

'Cause I believe in a better way

Fools will be fools
And wise will be wise
But I will look this world
Straight in the eyes

I believe in a better way
I believe there's a better way

What Do Consumers Really Want?

2009-08-05T09:25:00.003-04:00

Once upon a time, the answer to this question was: "What day is it?" Now it is more like the weather in Chicago: "Wait a minute, it'll change." Most consumers want whatever they can get; in a perfect world, they want everything – great product, great price, great service, great delivery, great warranty, plus free stuff just for being a customer.

If you are a product manufacturer or a retailer, this order would seem to be tall, but potentially achievable... until you start adding in the extras: Do you have it in another color? Do you have it in a smaller size? Can I get this with an alternate energy source? Is this available in an environmentally friendly version? Can I take it home today and return it a year from now if it shows wear and tear?

Consider the electronic book or digital reader. Not so long ago (like today), Kindle was the only real choice for consumers who wanted to read an electronic book. As it turns out, most of the current consumers are business people. It is kind of pricey because there is no real competition and because volume is still relatively low (supply and demand). And you have to buy it through Amazon (not a lot of flexibility here).

And just when sales start to pick up, Apple leaks that it will soon have its own hip version of the e-book reader. And then Sony jumps into the ring with equally cool, but cheaper versions. And suddenly consumers have more options - size, price, appearance, functions, availability, brand, etc. - than they ever could have hoped for. And the story is all over the media and all over the Internet. And consumers are blogging and tweeting and texting and getting themselves all in a lather. A tsunami wave of excitement will fuel huge sales, and everyone will soon be sporting e-book fanny packs and shoulder slings.

But back to reality. There currently is only one option available (Kindle) and most consumers have no idea what a Kindle or an e-book reader is. And once they find out, most - especially in this economic environment - will deem it to be unaffordable (at least until it becomes cool and a status symbol).

In short, even though they don't know it yet, consumers will soon want an e-book or digital reader and everything that goes with it. That's the way we roll in America.

Which reminds me of the last line in the final scene of The Candidate, when Bill McKay (Robert Redford) realizes that he just won the election that he isn't sure he really wants: "What do we do now?"

SHOCKING REVELATION: Time Spent Online Flattens; Time Spent on TV Increases.

2009-07-28T13:41:00.004-04:00

NEWS ALERT

Ad Age reported today the results of a Forrester survey revealing that time spent online has leveled off at an average of 12 hours per week.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

Nielsen Media Research reported last November the average American watches 142 hours of TV in a month. Last season the typical home had a television on for eight hours and 18 minutes each day. That's up an hour per day from just 10 years ago.

And the older you are, the more TV you watch. Nielsen said Americans aged 65 and up watch more than 196 hours per month.

Back at Ad Age...

Forrester contends that as consumers become more accustomed to the Internet, they also become more efficient.

I guess that makes sense, but then how do you explain the seemingly endless increases in TV viewing? Certainly we have all become accustomed to the TV enough to become more efficient with our utilization. Right?

Wrong. Americans love their TV. All-in-all, Internet use has flattened out, newspaper and magazine reading has flattened out, even Major League Baseball attendance has flattened out (actually it has dropped).

Meanwhile, somewhere in my head...

I am reminded of a Terrence Mann monologue from the popular movie Screen of Dreams:

People will watch Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been television. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But television has marked the time. This set, this screen: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will watch Ray. People will most definitely watch.

TV Remains King of All Media

2009-07-22T12:01:00.004-04:00

The Nielson Co. reported this week that the average U.S. home now has more TVs than people - 2.86/household to be precise. That's a lot of TVs. According to the same reports, more than 114 million homes in the U.S. have at least one TV; if my math is right, that's 90% (the Census Bureau reports there are now 128 million "housing units" in the U.S.).

I don't know - maybe it's because I've always loved TV so much - but 10% of households have no TV? I am amazed.

But then again, did you know...

• Less than 90% of Americans have a mobile phone.
• Only 80% of U.S. households have Internet access.
• There are fewer than 10 million U.S. Twitter users (some reports say only 1 million).
• Facebook claims to now have 250 million global members; that's just 3% of the global population and only a sliver of the U.S.
• About 1,400 daily U.S. newspapers are currently circulated to 48 million readers.
• More than 200 million iPods have been sold worldwide.

And of course there is the radio - in your home and in your car and in your office and on your mobile device. And there are books and movies.

But TV remains the king of all media. At least for today.

“Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.” - David Frost

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read All About It.

2009-07-16T15:11:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, while a Mass Communications major at Cleveland State University, I conducted a research project to prove a three-part theory:

Part 1: Most newspaper readers mostly read headlines and not full stories
Part 2: Most headlines are sensationalized and do not reflect the true content of the article
Part 3: Lots of people assume the content of the story based on the headline and share it via word-of-mouth

My research supported my theory and I was all fired up about this, but then I graduated and I became an agency professional and time went by and then newspapers started dying. But I had a dream last night about a rather strange and globally read newspaper - Alternative International News Times. Here are just a few of the headlines I remember:

White House Gives Trillions to Business, Then Takes It Right Back With Health Care Plan
• • •
Best Buy Offers Preferred Parking Status to Big Screen TV Owners.
• • •
Indians Finally Win World Series; Forced By Congress To Change Team Name To Cleveland Caucasians
• • •
Michael Jackson Still Dead; Larry King Still Alive
• • •
US Department of Labor Blog Says Twitter Negatively Impacts Productivity
• • •
Study Says Coffee Cures Cancer, Causes Heart Failure
• • •
Tiger Woods Finally Wins 15th Major; Apologizes To Fans For Long Wait
•••
Jimmy Kimmel To Replace Conan; Conan To Replace Jimmy Fallon; Jimmy Fallon Not That Funny
•••
Legalized Pot Rescues California Economy; Legalized Pot Rescues California Economy

All the news that fits, we print.

In a Deep Recession, Which Green is Really More Important?

2009-07-15T14:45:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I feel sorry for the color green. It is much maligned and often misunderstood.

A green light is a good thing. It is a sign of approval, as in: "You are good to go."

A green thumb is a good thing. It indicates that one has the ability to make things grow.

A green person is a bad thing. It is a sign of inexperience and/or jealousy.

And a person who is green around the gills is not a good thing. It implies you are not looking too well.

But the most popular meanings of "green" today – at least in the United States – are money and the environment. To have some green is a good thing. Likewise, keeping the planet green is a good thing. So, green is good.

But wait just a minute. Aren't we all in agreement that the endless quest for "money" in the U.S. is what is primarily responsible for the destruction of the "environment?" The factories pumping toxins into the air and into the water, the coal miners stripping away at the land, the lumberjack's destroying the forests, the cars and SUVs sucking up gas and spewing out pollution.

And isn't the new green the enemy of the old green? Doesn't Al Gore want smaller, more efficient cars and more land with trees and less coal mining and fewer factories?

So doesn't that make green good and bad at the same time? I am so confused.

Fortunately, WalMart has it all figured out. They know it is just a matter of time before Al Gore and his goon squad of dogood treehuggers create some kind of ridiculous legislation that requires manufacturers and retailers to be greener, which in turn will cost them truckloads of green in order to be in compliance. So WalMart is being proactive and creating its own environmental regulations.

Sure, it will cost suppliers some extra green, which in turn will cost consumers some extra green, but in the end, WalMart will make a lot of green and eventually become the universal symbol for green... and of course, for green.

This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.

Douglas Adams

Now, Could You Explain Your Process in English?

2009-07-01T16:26:00.004-04:00

My son is a brilliant chemist with a Master's Degree in Food Science Technology. Despite his advanced education and superior knowledge he is able to communicate with great clarity all the processes and procedures involved in his highly technical food and beverage research. So why is it so very difficult - if not impossible - to get "professionals" in the marketing and communications industry to speak plain English?

Between the contrived language, artificial terms and unnecessary acronyms (UAs) you need a secret decoder ring just to know what they are talking about.

Think I am kidding, or worse, exaggerating? Fine. Following is a series of actual, unedited communications from industry professionals that I have either received in my inbox or read in industry articles and white papers over the past week. Do you know what they are talking about?

This first one is an actual e-mail to me from a vendor.

Right now we are in the process of performing QA in our virtual development environment. Once that is complete, and browsers have been verified we will be ready to schedule a code push. The team can then proceed with regression testing to ensure no other impacts.

If you are under the impression you have just read a transcript from a NASA pre-launch sequence, you would be wrong.

How about this copy from an article in an advertising trade magazine:

But even if reviews offer structured data, it's not easy to make them an integral part of a company's internal process and the ones who do have well-defined methods... We use tools to track buzz, track mentions of products and brands and there's a method to the madness but I can't say anyone's discovered it.

Or that anyone understands what you are talking about.

And then there is this:

This data will be used to contextualize the value of integrated business intelligence functionalities and their ability to drive additional cost savings for enterprise IT and telecom departments. Recommended actions: Develop or acquire a full telecom lifecycle management solution to manage the enterprise telecom and network deployment... Choose a solution with a pre-integrated BI solution in place... Implement role-based assignments for telecom and IT-related spend reports.

Yeah, that's what I would do.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am not as smart as I think I am. But just consider this: If I am in the industry and don't understand what these people are saying, what chance to those outside our industry have? Unless of course you are simply trying to fool them with your idiomatic doubletalk and gelatinous jabberwocky.

Regardless, just stop it.

Social Media Battle Royale

2009-07-01T09:42:00.003-04:00

Is it just me or are we living in incredibly divisive times?

Upon reading this week's Advertising Age story – "Forget Twitter" – I was reminded of the old Ken-L Ration commercials:

My dog's faster than your dog,
My dog's bigger than yours.
My dog's better 'cause he gets Ken-L Ration,
My dog's better than yours.

Does Ad Age and/or Abbey Klaassen really believe that we should just forget about Twitter and Facebook now that a couple of corporate executives have figured out that online product reviews are nifty channels of communication? Apparently they do.

According to the story, "for all the ink spilled on the importance of Twitter and Facebook as feedback and customer-service channels, there's another social-media tool marketers are increasingly finding useful, not just as an online-shopping tool but as an internal, culturally changing consumer-criticism channel: the humble product review."

Sheesh, that's high praise for a tool that has been around for more than a century. Ad Age does know that product reviews are not a new idea, right? Well, maybe not.

Regardless, was it necessary for Ad Age and/or Abbey Klaassen to throw the formidable tag team of Twitter and Facebook under the bus just to shower praise on Product Reviews? According to the story, the problem is that Twitter "conversation" and Facebook "chatter" are interesting and important, but not structured.

So, if I tweet my network that Key Bank sucks because they place a 24-hour hold on my deposits, but process my debits in real time, that is not something you can wrap your arms around? Or how about this: If I tweet a link to a product review on Amazon, allowing even more people to see it, does it not have tangible value? Or if I update my Facebook wall about the great time I had at The Melting Pot in Raleigh, NC, will it not resonate?

In point of fact, isn't any channel of communication that allows organizations to learn more about their constituents (internal and external) important? What about the incoming phone call to customer service? What about the quiet e-mail or the fax or the letter or the business reply card? Aren't they all important?

As the Ad Age article clearly explains, product reviews are easy to find, easy to read and easy to interpret (they are "structured" and "transparent"). In short, they are the low lying fruit. But I think it is naive and foolish to so readily dismiss other channels of social media simply because they present a challenge. And let's not ignore the traditional channels; they remain robust and vital sources of insider information.

Me and Michael Jackson and the Summer of '71.

2009-06-26T14:48:00.003-04:00

Sometime between the release of Jackson 5's first album (Diana Ross Presents the Jackson 5) in late 1969 (coinciding with their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show) and the release of their Greatest Hits in December 1971, I became convinced that Michael Jackson was destined to be the greatest artist of our time... and I can prove it.

I can still picture this 11-year-old wunderkind in a purple velvet fedora performing "I Want You Back" like a seasoned professional. Who couldn't love that? Actually, a lot of people. Consider that it was not terribly cool to admire a young black male during the late 60s and early 70s. It was a time of civil unrest and protesting and drugs and rock and roll. And it all came to a head for me and Michael in the summer of '71.

Joe Snodgrass (his real name) was a Georgetown University bohemian (aka, hippie) spending his summer break in his mom's apartment in the building next to Lottie's Deli, where I worked for a $1 an hour stocking shelves, sweeeping floors and ringing up sales. Joe was a 6-foot something beanpole with horn-rimmed glasses, a quasi-perm, cut-off shorts and sandals who knew everything. And I was just a kid, 15, who knew absolutely nothing.

Anyway, one hot day during the summer of '71, Joe saunters into the store as he often did and begins his usual intellectual discussion about everything – the administration, Viet Nam, the toilet paper shortage. Lottie lets knuckleheads like Joe hang around because she is the greatest woman on the planet. And sometimes it is fun to have the company of these older guys around, but not today. Anyway, at some point, Joe hears me listening to the radio and not him, so he takes aim and fires.

"Jesus Christ, Sweeney, what is that bubblegum bullshit you're listening to on the radio?"

"Michael Jackson," I respond with disbelief.

"Fuck me; turn on WNCR and find some good tunes – Zeppelin, Jefferson Airplane, the Stones, CCR – anything is better than that pop crap you're listening to."

Here's the thing about me: I have always been a person of diverse tastes. Even at 15, I listened to my parent's Sinatra and Martin albums. And in my own collection I owned Cat Stevens, Four Seasons, Cactus, The Band, Elton John... I listened to both AM pop radio and FM rock radio. And I liked it all, so long as it was good.

But Joe was so smart and so annoying.

"Better than Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5?" I spit back.

"Sweeney, you know nothing... and you know even less about music," Joe calmly replied.

"Yeah," what a retort, "let me tell you what I do know. I know that Michael Jackson will sell more records than any of the stupid artists you listen to."

Now to this day, I can not say for sure if I was defending Michael or myself; maybe both. But it was out there now and there was no taking it back.

Joe laughed profusely. "How about the Beatles?" Wow, that question was so thick with sarcasm and condescension that you could chop it with a hand axe. "Do you think Michael Jackson will sell more records than the Beatles?" By now Joe was drooling in his own laughter.

"Yes he will," I stated with absolute confidence.

Egging me on, Joe asked: "How do you figure?"

"Well, in case word hadn't made it to DC yet, the Beatles broke up, so they won't be selling any new albums. And Michael Jackson is just getting started."

At that very moment, as if cursed by the gods, my older brother walked into Lottie's.

"Hey Junior," snaps Joe, "you've got to hear this. Your kid brother says that Michael Jackson will one day be bigger than the Beatles."

My brother Denny, who I always looked up to and admired, and who coincidentally was the person who told me about MJ's appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show two years earlier, simply gave me a look and mocked me with sincerity: "What's wrong with you?"

That was 38 years ago, and it remains as fresh in my mind as if it were yesterday.

Joe eventually graduated from Georgetown with a degree in Chinese linguistics and spent the rest of his life working in a county job. He is still a hippie and probably has no recollection of that special moment in time - partly because of his arrogance and partly because of all the weed.

My brother Denny is a retired Cleveland Detective. He still questions my sanity and I still admire him.

The Beatles never got back together to release a new album, but Michael Jackson eventually owned the rights to most of their music.

As for Michael Jackson and me, I stand by what I said in the summer of '71: Michael Jackson was destined to become the greatest artist of our time .

NEWS FLASH: CEOs TOO BUSY FOR SOCIAL MEDIA

2009-06-25T12:35:00.002-04:00

According to a new study, CEOs are not wired-in to social media. Only two (2) of the 100 CEOs surveyed have a Twitter account and less than 20% have a personal Facebook page. Did I mention that these are FORTUNE 100 CEOs? Yeah, and not one of them has a blog!

No time left for you
On my way to better things
No time left for you
I found myself some wings
No time left for you
Distant roads are calling me
No time left for you

I guess I am just a bit curious what to make of this. Did the folks at the UberCEO blog really think that FORTUNE 100 CEOs had time for social media? Apparently they did:

"It's shocking that the top CEOs can appear to be so disconnected from the way their own customers are communicating. They're giving the impression that they're disconnected, disengaged and disinterested," said Sharon Barclay, editor at UberCEO.com who runs executive PR firm Blue Trumpet Group.

Yes, and every time a FORTUNE 100 company prints an annual report the CEO shows a disdain for the environment.

Maybe, just maybe – in light of how the economy is going right now and what a poor showing so many FORTUNE companies are displaying – it would be best if we excuse CEOs from Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn and YouTube and Wordpress... at least until they are showing a consistent profit.

Just a thought.

No time for a gentle rain
No time for my watch and chain
No time for revolving doors
No time for the killing floor
No time for the killing floor
There's no time left for you
No time left for you

What Can Sirius XM Learn from Tiger Woods?

2009-06-18T12:59:00.005-04:00

Sirius XM and Tiger Woods are a couple of very powerful brands. Brands that are constantly confronted with challenges and want to succeed at all costs. Brands that have experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows. Brands that have stumbled and fallen and got back up. But only one of these brands seems to get "it", and it's not Sirius XM.

After much anticipation, Sirius XM has finally released its new app for the iPhone and the iTouch. Here's the good news: you can dowload the app for FREE! Yippee.

Here's the bad news: Unless you have a subscription to Sirius XM, the app is useless. Here's more bad news: Even if you have a subscription, you will have to pay more money to use it. And here is the worst news: If you don't have a subscription and buy one or if you already have one and pay an additional fee, you still only have access to SOME of the Sirius XM programming.

No NFL Play-by-Play
No MLB Play-by-Play
No NASCAR
No Howard Stern

So, what is the point? And more important from a branding perspective, how many times does Sirius XM think it can unapologetically disappoint its customers and "fans" before they finally say enough is enough?

Which leads me to my other question and perhaps the answer to this question: WWTD?

Tiger is more than just the ultimate competitor, he is also smart. He is smart enough to realize that on his way to winning (and it is clearly not just about the money), he needs to be considerate of his fan base and the golf industry and the sports media and the communities he lives in. In other words, he needs to be the anti-John Daly.

Whether it comes naturally to him or not is irrelevant. Whether he believes in it is also irrelevant. What matters is that he is aware of it, understands it is important, and acts on it. Maybe Tiger has good advisors, maybe he has acquired wisdom from his parents and the natural maturing process, maybe his wife reminds him every day. Regardless, he gets "it". Which is why he can get away with bad days on the course when he is tossing both "F" bombs and golf clubs.

If Tiger were Sirius XM – aware of its questionable reputation and aware of the deep recession we are in – he would be giving away more than a free app. Tiger would allow FREE access to all of its current and future subscribers and charge only a nominal fee to non-subscribers in the hope that they would become engaged and perhaps buy a full subscription... by choice. And Tiger would probably fight like hell to provide access to the MLB, NFL, NASCAR and Howard Stern (even if mobile-performance rights don't allow it, you can still fight for it).

And maybe one day, everyone will rally: I am Sirius.

Blackbird Fly into the Light of the Dark Black Night

2009-06-08T23:40:00.003-04:00

If you are young (as in younger than me), you may never have heard or even heard of Kenny Rankin. He was a singer-songwriter who floated quietly through the music scene for nearly 40 years. Cool and velvety, he was often referred to as a "singer's singer" and a "songwriter's songwriter."

His cover of Blackbird is nothing less than inspirational and was so impactful on Paul McCartney that Rankin was asked by the former Beatle to represent him and John Lennon when they were inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame.

I happened upon Kenny Rankin late one night in a local Chicago jazz club in 1981 and was forever smitten. He is an acquired taste I suppose. For me, it was his ability to convey deep emotion in his words and his works that created an enduring bond.

Kenny passed away yesterday, leaving a small but indelible set of footprints in the sand. He will be missed by many, including me. You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

In the morning fun
When no one will be drinking any more wine
I'll wake the sun up
By givin' him a fresh air full of the wind cup
And I won't be found in the shadows hiding sorrow
And I can wait for fate to bring around to me
Any part of my tomorrow, tomorrow

'Cause it's oh, so peaceful here
There's no one bending over my shoulder
Nobody breathing in my ear
Oh, so peaceful here

In the evening shadows are callin' me
And the dew settles in my mind
And I think of friends in the yesterday
When my plans were giggled in rhyme
I had a son while on the run
And his love brought a tear to my eye
And maybe some day he'll up and say
"We had a pretty nice time", oh, oh, oh, my

'Cause it's oh, so peaceful here
There's no one bending over my shoulder
Nobody breathing in my ear
Oh, so peaceful here

Heroes and Villains

2009-06-02T21:10:00.009-04:00

Bing, in case you hadn't heard, is by its own description the "Official Site To Make Key Decisions Quick & Easy." Google is an advanced search engine and more (Preferences · Language Tools · Advertising Programs · Business Solutions).

Billy Mitchell, in case you hadn't heard, is by his own description the "greatest arcade-video-game player of all time." Steve Wiebe is a father and teacher who plays Donkey Kong in his spare time in his garage.

A lot of people - more than you might imagine - have a great deal of interest in the parties involved. And the outcome of the competition.

I've been in this town so long that back in the city
I've been taken for lost and gone
And unknown for a long long time

Fell in love years ago
With an innocent girl
From the spanish and indian
Home of the heroes and villains

Of course in truth it is more than a competition; it is a battle. And like all battles, it is about winning. Face it, competition makes the world go around.

In the battle between Bing and Google, I must admit that I am at a bit of a loss, but then again maybe not. Microsoft created Bing. And just as Microsoft invested cargo ships full of cash to out market Mac, it plans to do the same with Bing. According to Computerworld, "Microsoft plans to invest close to $100 million in an advertising campaign for Bing." But is there really a need? And is there really anything so significantly different to justify the huge investment - particularly in a bad economy?

I guess the answer is "why not?" It's their money. Plus, competition is good for the marketplace. It breeds innovation and progress. I have tested Bing side-by-side with Google and really don't see the difference - at least not enough of a difference to persuade me to make the switch. Of course, there is the muscle. Internet Explorer 6, in case you hadn't heard, is forcing users to use Bing. According to Cnet, "Microsoft confirmed on Tuesday that it is looking into an issue in which users of Internet Explorer 6 are forced into having Bing as their default search engine."

Hopefully, the ultimate winner in the battle of Bing and Google is us. So fight on.

Once at night cotillion squared the fight
And she was right in the rain of the bullets that eventually brought her down
But she's still dancing in the night
Unafraid of what a dude'll do in a town full of heroes and villains

In the battle between Steve Wiebe and Billy Mitchell (aka, Silly Bitchell), it would appear that truth, justice and the American way are at stake. It is the classic battle between good and evil, angels and demons, heroes and villains.

In one corner, stands the villain, Billy Mitchell; classic evildoer. In the other corner stands the hero, Steve Wiebe; classic underdog . This is an epic battle that has raged on throughout this decade and continues to this day. So fight on, to the death if you must. It's a win-win for marketing.

Heroes and villains

Just see what you've done

School's Out for Summer, School's Out Forever...

2009-05-28T12:31:00.003-04:00

It may not be easy "being green," but it is even harder not having any green. Ask the students who can't afford college, or even the colleges that can't afford to stay open. Just today, Miami-Dade College canceled enrollment drives and capped enrollment. Even smaller colleges like Wesleyan are trimming budgets in anticipation of declining enrollment.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

And what about the new crop of graduates, are they about to cash-in on their investment in higher education? Mmmmmmmm, probably not right away. According to the National Association of Colleges and Employers, just 19.7 percent of 2009 graduates who applied for a job actually have one, compared to 51 percent of those graduating in 2007 and 26 percent in 2008.

Even back in jolly ol' England, the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) reported that nearly half of the UK-based companies surveyed said that they were not planning to recruit those leaving school or college this year. The research comes weeks after a separate survey found that only one university student in five expects to have secured a job by the time they graduate.

Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

And, according to an article in the Washington Independent (referencing the Chronicle for Higher Education), the bubble may be about to burst: With tuitions, fees, and room and board at dozens of colleges now reaching $50,000 a year, the ability to sustain private higher education for all but the very well-heeled is questionable. According to the National Center for Public Policy and Higher Education, over the past 25 years, average college tuition and fees have risen by 440 percent — more than four times the rate of inflation and almost twice the rate of medical care. Patrick M. Callan, the center’s president, has warned that low-income students will find college unaffordable.

If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Still, there is reason for hope. President Barack Obama is a supporter of higher education, as is Sonia Sotomayor and Joe Biden (a huge advocate of community college). Likewise, the legislature seems more inclined to act on supporting higher education than it is to act on universal healthcare. And then there is the glimmer of hope that the worst of the recession may already be behind us. CNNMoney.com reports: The end of the recession is in sight, according to a new survey of leading economists. If you don't believe it, just ask McDonald's.

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

2009-05-18T12:56:00.003-04:00

Good News for the masses: The recession is bringing back fat and unhealthy.

According to Ad Age, the recession has reignited Dunkin' Donuts' marketing:

NEW YORK (AdAge.com) -- With all the fuss about carbs and obesity in recent years, Dunkin' Donuts has been downplaying its namesake product. But no more. As the economy collapsed into chaos last year, the restaurant chain discovered that previously carb-conscious consumers were drifting back to doughnuts as comfort food. Since then, Dunkin Donuts has launched aggressive new campaigns targeting that fried-dough-craving demographic. And its latest -- and largest -- online donut promotion has been a wild success.

And of course, it's not just about our health. The recession is also putting a serious kink in the green movement. As a result, I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head, like "How come the people who are already feeling the most pain from the recession, just keep getting screwed?" and "We already have 24 million diabetics in the U.S., do we really want the problem to get worse?" and "If it costs a few cents more to make the environment safer, isn't it worth it?"

But I think I am too close to this, so I will let Ben remind you of something he said several years ago:

Son look at all the people in this restaurant
What d'you think they weigh?
And out the window to the parking lot
At their SUVs taking all of the space

They give no fuck
They talk as loud as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Gotta get on the microphone down at wallmart
Talk about some shit that's been on my mind
Talk about the state of this great of this nation of ours
Poeple look to your left, yeah look to your right

They give no fuck
They buy as much as they want
They give no fuck
Just as long as there's enough for them

Son look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn't you like to see them in the national geographic?
Squatting bare-assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head and maybe a bone in their nose
See that asshole with a peace-sign on his licence plate
Giving me the finger and running me out of his lane

God made us number one because he loves us the best
Well maybe He should go bless someone else for a while, give us a rest
[They give no...]
Yeah and everyone can see
[They give no...]
We've eaten all that we can eat

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

2009-05-04T16:18:00.002-04:00

I have known Dominic Litten for 27 years now. He is an amazing young man, full of passion and energy and kindness. He possesses a brilliant mind that first revealed itself when he was only three years old and began reading a book to me. His sense of humor never fails to bring laughter. His loyalty to those around him - family, friends, neighbors – is legendary and is surpassed only by his humility and thoughtfulness.

This past weekend, I had the sincere pleasure of not only witnessing, but participating in (thank you) a most important day in Dominic's life as he joined in matrimony the beautiful and equally wonderful Beth. It was a perfect day befitting of a perfect union.

And given that I have known Dominic the entirety of his life and that I have a vested interest in his past, present and future, I offered only one bit of advice on this solemn day: DO NOT TWITTER ON YOUR HONEYMOON.

But did he listen? No! For he is Dominic, lord of the Twitterers. So was I surprised or even disappointed as I read on my Twitter site that he was in the airport and ready to board the plane for Maui? No.

Instead I acquiesce, I accept, I submit tacitly. In fact, I have gone a step further and have created a new Twitter National Anthem in Dominic's honor. Please feel free to sing along to the tune of "O Canada."

O Dominic!

Our blog and Twitter friend!
True king and fan of social messaging.
With open eyes we read your tweets,
The True voice strong and free!
From far and wide, O Dominic,
We wait to read your words.
God keep his hands twittering and free!
O Dominic, we wait for tweets from thee.
O Dominic, we wait for tweets from thee.

If anyone should feel equally moved and so inclined as to likewise honor Dominic, Lord of the Twitterers, I would like to suggest an actual recording of his national anthem uploaded onto YouTube for his viewing pleasure upon his return from Hawaii. I can't imagine a lovelier wedding gift.

Physicians who live in glass houses...

2009-04-21T13:40:00.003-04:00

I was reminded this morning by a dear and respected friend of mine to wake up and smell the coffee.

In case you are wondering, the wake-up call was courtesy of an industry veteran. She (we will call her Sam) possesses not one, but two Master's degrees – one in business administration and one in e-commerce. Sam also possesses more than two decades of premium marketing experience with leading global insurance and financial institutions. Sam is brilliant. In fact, her only weakness (as I have observed over the past 20 years) is her occasional willingness to underestimate her own talent and potential.

The wake-up call came in the form of an innocent (and sarcastic) e-mail that read:

I thought you were switching providers so you could update and redesign [your website]? What gives. No new clients since 2007???

OUCH! That really hurt; but as my father often observed, the truth often does. Sure enough, our website, which sucks, is so outdated that I refuse to even look at it anymore.

We have successfully planned its overhaul for nearly three years now. Developed a new site map, produced new content and functionality, developed visual and copy concepts, made accommodations to optimize the new site, even talked with several sources to begin the process.

But there it sits, my personal albatross, threatened with extinction, but still alive.

All the while, I have the audacity to preach to others – individuals and organizations – the vital importance of effective communication. Someone ought to hit me upside the head with a frying pan. Oh, wait, Sam already did that.

Okay, so I am awake. And I am making a public commitment to kill the current Sweeney site; it has already crashed, now it shall burn. And staying with my bird analogy (or is it a metaphor), we will all watch it arise anew like the Phoenix from the ashes.

Thank you Sam. I am awake. You can put the frying pan away.

Un-Social Media. Un-Thank You Very Much.

2009-04-13T15:54:00.003-04:00

I am so very pleased that technology and the Internet have brought us all together. We are all now united under the happy-happy rainbow of unlimited connectedness.

Seriously?

Have you been on LinkedIn lately? This is a social site whose primary - if not only - purpose is to share connections. And more often than not, you are locked out. DO NOT ENTER my connections. My connections are private. STAY OUT of my connections. I am collecting my connections until I have more connections than anyone else. Nanner Nanner Neener.

And how about a magazine web site that not only does not provide contact information for the editorial staff... THEY DO NOT LIST THE EDITORIAL STAFF AT ALL!? What the F is up with that? BUT WAIT, it gets better. If you look them up on Burrelle's (one of several incredibly useless media database services), they offer this contact information: editorial@hbinc.com. Really? Thank you very much. That's very helpful. I've just learned nothing. Mighty social of ya!

Why not just hide your magazine under a cloak of invisibility?

And how about companies that refuse to let you find their employees' names, phone numbers or email addresses? DO NOT CONTACT US. We are too busy for you and do not want emails or phone calls. You can search our site until you are blue in the face, but you will not discover anything. LEAVE US ALONE. But please buy our products and services. Your business is important to us.

Seems to me - looking over the past decade - that the more access we have through technology – most notably the internet – the harder people and organizations work to hide.

No one even reads, yet alone responds to email. No one answers their phone or returns voice mails. No one acknowledges real mail or faxes (does anyone use fax anymore?). And God forbid that you show up at someone's office unannounced; you'll be tossed faster than a bean bag at a bachelor party. Even human interaction is being impacted; when's the last time you had a conversation with someone (even your kids) that wasn't interrupted by a text, email or phone call?

Of course, blogging and message boarding and twittering are popular, as are Facebook and MySpace. But really, who (other than teenagers) takes any of this seriously? Do you really know who is writing that blog, leaving that message or twittering you? And while Facebook and MySpace go to the other extreme, do you really want or need to see photos of your cousin completely drunk and half naked? Do you want to know that your business associate supports the legalization of pot for non-medical use? Do you want to see your daughter's tattoo that you didn't know she had?

So, what's my point?

Clearly technology has made our lives better in so many ways. I LOVE technology. But equally clear is the fact that technology is making our lives worse in so many ways.

I have no answers, just observations. And at this moment, technology is really annoying me.

Happy Holy Days

2009-04-09T16:43:00.003-04:00

Last night, my wife an I actually removed ourselves from the house, drove to the local recreation center and walked the outdoor path for about an hour - not for the exercise, but to clear our minds from all the noise.

The TV, the radio, the internet, the iPod, the cell phone, the house phone, the office phone, the instant messages, the text messages, the emails, the elevator discussions, the street corner protests, the grocery story PS system. As they say in Italy, Basta.

Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.

Along the way we met a woman who had a great big silver dog whose breed was undiscernable to us. So we asked, "What kind of dog is that?" "A goldendoodle!" she replied. Kathy looked at me and I at her. "Goldendoodle?" we whispered. "It's not gold and what is a doodle?" Then we laughed and kept walking.

Hello lamp-post,
What cha knowin'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'.
Ain't cha got no rhymes for me?
Doot-in' doo-doo,
Feelin' groovy.

Anyway, after a bit more than an hour of walking we worked our way back to the car, drove to the local store and eventually headed home. It wasn't much, but it was enough. Enough to quiet all the voices and rest the mind and get back in touch with ourselves. With our souls.

I've got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep.
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep.
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me.
Life, I love you,
All is groovy.

To everyone of every persuasion, have a blessed, holy and sacred celebration this week.

Tiger Freaking Woods

2009-03-30T17:01:00.002-04:00

Golf Schmolf. I am talking Tiger Woods. He is not simply the sport's greatest player, he is the greatest player in sports.

Tiger Freaking Woods.

After nearly a year of being unable to watch a single golf tournament, Tiger finally returned to the game and I returned to the TV. And though his first two performances were something less than spectacular, I kept coming back. Because I knew. It was just a matter of time.

So great is his ability. So great is his passion. So great is his focus. It absolutely captures the imagination and shakes the awe out of everyone watching.

Tiger Freaking Woods. You don't have to like him. You don't even have to like golf. But you must admire the beauty of what this young man does time and time again. He is a role model for any human who wishes to make something of his or her life. The perfect combination of grit and determination, careful study and hard work. Practice and more practice. Focus and fire.

Tiger Freaking Woods. You don't have to like him, but I do. Damn, I love Tiger. I love to see him grimace when he doesn't achieve what he sets out to achieve. And I love to see him smile and fist-pump when he puts it all together.

If there is a better athlete - a more consistent, disciplined and accomplished athlete – please tell me who he or she is. In the meantime, I only have eyes for Tiger Freaking Woods.